All Rileyed Up

Shiver me timbers! The glorious day has returned!

No. No. No. I am not participating. I refuse.

Avast, ya are, so says I. Or ye shalll walk the plank.

Would that be the deck?

To the deck with you then!

Whatever.

Argh-f! Argh-f! Argh’ll do it!

That’s a pretty poppet. Good girl.

Aaargh!!!! It’s time for another round of International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Shiver me timbers, not again

I can’t believe you making me do this, fool.

Yes, it is time, again, ya foolhardy excuses for man’s best friend! I knew I should have gone for a parrot, arrrrrghhhh!!!!

A parrot would be just as confused as me, because YOU DO NOT TALK LIKE A PIRATE. All you do is say “Argh.”

Avast! That’s where ye be wrong, lassie. I say ‘buccaneer’ and ‘walk the plank’ and I sing! I sing of the sea and pirates of yore! Aaaaarghhh!”

Sing one pirate song for me.

And it can’t be from any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

(silence)

Smartly, now!

Uh…

Baby beluga in the deep blue sea—

That ain’t no pirate song, damn!

I am a pirate, aye, and I know what music we sing. A song of whales and the sea, of beauty, arrrgh!!!!

Baby Beluga is a kid’s song.

You shut up now, lassie! You’re ruining the pirate sexy!

Whatever. I’m out of here. Aye aye, weirdo.

Aye aye, indeed, you thoughtless wench. Why don’t you go crawl into a bung hole and choke on a hornpipe—

Yo, if you do any more piratespeak, we gonna have a problem. And by ‘we’ I mean ‘you’.

AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

********************

We interrupt this blog to bring you some happy music from a fellow pirate.

How great thou arghhhhhh, how great thou arghhhhhhh

Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

I’m serious.
What am I supposed to say? Oh yeah: Listen up, you dirty bilge rats! I am The Dread Dog of the Depths! Behold my glowing gold eyes!

You don’t scare me you cowardly canine! Now get back in your cargo cage, or I’ll cockamamie the cockswain right out yer caboodle!

The hell does that mean?

Argh! It means I’ve had too much grog, you yellow eyed, yellow bellied, yellow haired denizen of Mickey Dolenz’s locker!

It’s Davey Jones, fool.

They’re all a bunch of Monkees, which is what you’re going to become if you don’t watch it, you grog-guzzling gargantuan go-go boot wearing goober! Grrrrr!

I don’t like this game.

Avast! That’s because yer a dumb lubber who doesn’t know a good time when it drapes itself around her head! So says I!

I’m leaving now.

Arrgh! Get outta here right smart then, ya pathetic pusillanimous peacock. And bring me back some grog!

I don’t think pirates talk like that.

Damn to the depths, you cursed creature!

The rest of this post has been lost to the watery depths as Rio and I fought to the death! The death, mateys! In its place, I offer you one final shot, of the best pirate there ever could have been:

Thank you, thank you very much.

talk like a pirate day