I recently sampled Clorox Green works laundry detergent and spray on stain remover on behalf of MomCentral. It smells delightful and cleans everything I throw at it, including but not limited to, mud, grass, spaghetti sauce, markers, hard candy bits, a mushed piece of something that may or may have not been on the foor, something green that may or may not have come out of someone’s nose, all variety of juices, and oh, whatever else exists in this world that has color. Can you tell I have children in the house?
Here is my latest tale of laundry woe:
Yesterday at school, the children put on a dance performance. School ended at 3pm, then they were going to have a pizza and fruit punch party and play around until the actual performance, which took place at 6pm.
The requested outfits of all students were a white shirt and blue jeans.
So, to be clear: white shirt and blue jeans AND pizza party and red fruit punch.
The teachers were wise enough to add to the notice – do not send your child to school DRESSED for the show, just put the white shirt in their backpack.
The Boy and Little No Limit were among the lucky few (and by few, I mean half), who had spots of red fruit punch and other such stains on their clothes, which made me very happy that I packed their brand new white shirts in their backpacks. I specify they were brand new because the only kinds of white clothing we own are brand new. White doesn’t last very long in our house.
So we got them dressed up in their dazzling white shirts, they did they dance thing (sooooo cute, but my Flip decided to freeze up so I couldn’t tape it. Soooooo lame).
After the dance, the kids were rewarded with a piece of chocolate cake.
And now, I have no brand new white shirts.
Ah, children. They should spend their allowance buying stock in Green Works.
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I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Clorox Green Works and received a bottle of Green Works Natural Detergent and Stain Remover to facilitate my review and a $20 thank-you gift certificate.
Written by Riley on July 11, 2009 in: Uncategorized |
Congrats to Robin, commenter #2, who won the giveaway. If you didn’t win the giveaway, you can still take advantage of this discount:
Purchase a 4-pack of tickets for only $44 by logging onto Ticketmaster.com or by calling 1-800-745-3000 and entering the coupon code: MOM. Enter code in the “MC Promotion Box” on Ticketmaster. Minimum purchase of 4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Not valid on VIP, Front Row and Circus Celebrity seats or combinable with other offers. Service charge, facility fee and handling fees may apply.
Show Dates:
Los Angeles
July 8: 7:30pm
July 9: 7:30pm
July 10: 12:00pm, 7:30pm
July 11: 11:30am, 3:30pm, 7:30pm
July 12: 11:30am, 3:30pm, 7:30pm
Anaheim
July 15: 7:30pm
July 16: 1:00pm, 7:30pm
July 17: 10:30am, 7:30pm
July 18: 11:30am, 3:30pm, 7:30pm
July 19: 1:30pm, 5:30pm
July 20: 1:00pm
July 21: 7:30pm
July 22: 1:00pm, 7:30pm
July 23: 10:30am, 7:30pm
July 24: 1:00pm, 7:30pm
July 25: 11:30am, 3:30pm, 7:30pm
July 26: 1:30pm, 5:30pm
Ontario
July 29: 7:30pm
July 30: 7:30pm
July 31: 7:30pm
Aug. 1: 11:30am, 3:30pm, 7:30pm
Aug. 2: 11:30am, 3:30pm, 7:30pm
It was the end of a long day. Husband left before the kids woke up and it was almost 9pm. The kids were in the shower. I opened the door, announced “time’s up” and turned the water off.
“Mommy, something is wrong with my CD player!”
Wha…?
Little No Limit brought her plastic pink and purple Disney Princess storybook CD player into the shower with her. Well, yeah, it doesn’t work anymore. Upon learning that she had broken it by taking it into the shower, she dissolved into a mass of tears and anguishing cries.
“It’s broooooookennnnnnnn…”
I had no interest in dealing with this breakdown, and with as little irritability as possible, said, “This is why you’re supposed to ask Mommy before you bring a toy into the shower.”
“You have to fix it!” she demands. (Oh yes, demands)
“I will dry it out, but I doubt it will work. I’m sure it’s broken.”
More tears. More cries. OH, THE HORROR!
Meanwhile, The Boy is hopping on the bed, naked, waiting for his lotion and telling me his bottom hurts (he had a nasty spill on his skates earlier).
So I’m looking for his lotion, Little No Limit is crying, The Boy is jumping on the bed, saying “my bottom hurts” (x100) and I’m thinking to myself, ENOUGH.
When…
Husbands gets home.
Now, when Husband gets home, there is always a skirmish. Since the kids hadn’t seen him at all that day, there was a MAJOR skirmish.
Little No Limit’s tears went from the status of an at-home water gun to Disney Spectacular Waterworks Display. The Boy jumped up and down for hugs and piggy back rides (I thought his bottom hurt?) while trying to cram his mouth (full of freshly-brushed teeth) with roasted pumpkin seeds, which Husband brought home for them.
Here is the soundtrack to my hallway:
DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY
PRIZE PRIZE PRIZE PRIZE
I BROKE IT BROKE IT BROKE IT
YOU HAVE TO FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT
SEEDS SEEDS SEEDS SEEDS
I looked at this hallway of naked children and tired Husband and again, thought to myself (while imagining banging my head against the wall), ENOUGH.
“That was such a good show.” I say that about so many concerts, like this one, and these:
1. Salt-n-Pepa at the House of Blues in New Orleans. My friend brought me with her as my birthday gift, and we both describe it as the most diverse crowd (race, age, class — seriously, diverse) we have ever seen grouped together for one show.
2. Flock of Seagulls at a bar next door to John Wayne airport, in the late 90s. The real entertainment of that show came from the crowd. I encouraged a more-then-tipsy woman to attack a cardboard stand-up of Kathy Ireland and she was, consequently, asked to leave.
3. Fats Domino at the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival. Brassy Girl and I befriended the Southern Comfort-swilling gentlemen standing in front of us and I bought a beautiful moon shaped bubble blower made of metal wire, a stick, and lots of paint. I wish I still had it, but I gave it to a little girl who wanted to use it as her wand.
4. Widespread Panic at some arena in Memphis. I’d never really listened to them prior to that show, which I attended with my friend and her boyfriend, but wound up spending most of the concert hanging out with some VW minivan driving dudes I befriended while looking for a bathroom.
5. Rabbit in the Moon in Jersey. I’ve seen them a few times, but at this particular show, when my friend and I got to her car afterwards, the battery was dead, and the guy who offered to jumpstart the car accidentally hit us when he drove up to get the car batteries close enough for the jumper cables to reach. And that was only the start of the ridiculousness. Note to self: don’t ask for help from strange men in Jersey at 3 in the morning.
6. Simon and Garfunkel at The Pond. Went with Husband and his best friend. We bought the tickets last minute and were sitting in the nosebleed section but that beautiful music made it all worthwhile. Plus, The Everly Brothers made a special guest appearance.
7. Morrissey at the Coachella festival. I have to say, Morrissey fans LOVE Morrissey. Guys and gals alike were screaming and crying, “I love you Morrissey!” He must put on a great show too because I was headache-y and tired from a long day in that desert sun and I still loved the show.
8. Green Day in Jacksonville. One of my first real concert experiences. I was a junior in high school and in the mosh pit. This girl (girl #1) was there who my friend (girl #2) didn’t like because girl #1 had dated girl #2’s boyfriend (like I said, high school) and while moshing, girl #2 kept purposefully bumping into girl #1 and the next day at school, girl #1 told everyone she got beaten up. Oh, high school, you silly thing.
9. Sublime, back in the day at a tiny little club in Jax called The Milk Bar. Dude, I paid five bucks to see Sublime. Five. Bucks.
10. Rebirth Brass Band at the uptown Tipitina’s during the first post-Katrina Mardi Gras. After this show, we were sitting outside on the neutral ground when a man dressed as an ape approached us, and we paid him a couple dollars to do some cartwheels and dance for our friend, a bride to be. And that was only the start of the shenanigans that took place that weekend.
11. Bela Fleck and the Flecktones at same venue as above. I started feeling woozy mid-show and told Lawyer Girl I was stepping outside. Once I stepped outside, I started to throw up and realized I was sick and not going back into the club, and took a cab home. No cell phone, no message to my friend that I had left - just got in the cab and went home. The cab driver was so worried over how sick I was, he didn’t even charge me for the ride home (though it really wasn’t a long drive – about ten blocks), he just told me to get well. Lawyer Girl stayed after the show until almost everyone had left looking for me, before finally coming home and being relieved to see me. On the bright side, because she stayed so long, she wound up meeting and getting the autographs of Bela Fleck and the Flecktones.
12. Bob Dylan. Lawyer Girl won these tickets off a radio show when he played in New Orleans during Jazz Fest (he wasn’t on the fairgrounds - it was one of the night shows). We were up for almost two days listening to the radio trying to win them. I couldn’t believe it when she finally got them.
13. Garth Brooks Concert in Central Park. I wasn’t really a huge Garth fan, but I was not about to miss a Concert in Central Park. It was so packed and so fun. Billy Joel came onstage at one point and bagged on Garth for his cover of New York State of Mind. Awesome.
Yesterday, I walked outside to accept a delivery and The Boy opened the door allowing Her Name is Rio to finally meet her presumed nemesis. It was a scary moment for everyone. Me, with my hands full of packages and sigining instruments. The delivery man, exclaiming, running. The Boy, saying, “This is my dog!” with a happy-go-lucky air about him. And Her Name is Rio, snarling. As if she’s some sort of tough dog.
Grrr.
The end result?
A poem.
To The Man Who Rang The Doorbell
By Her Name is Rio
I bark at you because I do not know you;
I bark at you because I am fierce;
I bark at you because I am top dog.
I bark,
I bark,
I bark,
Alas,
Fear not the hair standing atop my back;
Nor the teeth bared and sharp;
Nay, not even the snarl escaping my lungs.
I am all bark and no bite.
Unless you are a small yipping dog.
Which you are not.
Good-bye, good sir,
I’m sorry to have caused thee fright.
P.S. I hope your pants are clean.
Message to Her Name is Rio: Your poetry lacks substance.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I won second place in a citywide essay contest with a theme along the lines of “How I Help the Environment.” My essay was entitled “My Environment, My Community” and it was about things I did with my oh-so-cool Environmental Club at school to contribute to a healthier environment — volunteering at the bird sanctuary, adopting a manatee (this is a popular thing to do in Florida), beach clean ups, etc. I was invited to a luncheon with the mayor and the environmental club sponsor attended it with me. For dessert, they served mudpie out of flower pots and we used little shovels to scoop it onto our plates. I thought it was hip and cool but in the high school scheme of things, it didn’t exactly make me Miss Popular.
These days, I still participate in beach clean ups and I’m still adopting animals, but eco-friendly has become way cooler than it was when I was in high school.
I mean, hello, Kelly Ripa think it’s cool.
It seems I have an obsession with Electrolux and Kelly Ripa, but the truth is they always run nicely community-minded marketing plans. To kick off the release of their new Kelly Green eco-friendly front-load washer and dryer, they are planting a virtual garden that yields real money crops:
So if you win, you can fulfill all your romantic notions of being a tree hugger, while avoiding the dirty clothing and bad odor that often accompanies the territory.
I should just go ahead and stop there, because, seriously, nothing topped Mr. Animated Short Film’s thank you speech. However, I’m always too wordy…
2. Steve Martin to Tina Fey: “Don’t fall in love with me.” While I am starting to get a little “enough of Tina Fey”-ish, that line was pretty all time. Only Steve Martin could have pulled it off.
3. Making fun of Joaquin Phoenix. I take it that Hollywood assumes this is schtick or doesn’t give a shite that poor Joaquin is OUTTA HIS EFFING MIND?
4. Jennifer Aniston’s presentation. Did we really need those cuts to Brad and Angie? BRAD AND JENNIFER DIVORCED AND NOW HE’S WITH ANGELINA. WE GET IT. IT HAPPENS. AND NOT JUST IN HOLLYWOOD.
5. Hugh Jackman: “The musical is back.” Thank you, Hugh. Especially the Wolverine line. I loved all the West Side Story. Now if you could just explain to me who thought it would be a good idea for you and Beyonce to sing “You’re the One That I Want” when CLEARLY you should have sang something from Kiss of the Spider Woman, I’d be most pleased. I don’t care that that musical was never made into a movie. It was the musical you two were made to sing.
6. Jessica Biel, what’s with the toga? Now please make a movie, or at the very least a cameo on Entourage. I’m starting to forget all about that high spirited gal who posed in Playboy to get out of her 7th Heaven contract.
7. The New Boy. YES! I’m stoked this got nominated, even if it didn’t win. Did I not mention that I loved this some time ago?
9. JC Penny commercials, anyone? No offense on the money you spent on your crazy good looking models and fancy commercials, but seriously, your clothes are UGLY. Ain’t nothing gonna change that.
10. Message to Queen Latifah and Reese Witherspoon: lose the black sash. Also, Reese, who did your hair? Nobody?
12. When that La Vie en Rose actress was telling Kate what an inspiring actress she was, my sister in law paused the show on Kate Winslet’s face and said: “I’m Kate Winslet. Who are you, again?” Exactly.
13. And, Kate, you’re the most nominated actress of your generation, and the running favorite for tonight, and you thought it was a good idea to pour entire canister of gel onto your head?
14. And lastly, Tom Cruise doesn’t have a cat. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
My friends, the parents of triplets, put their dog on a diet.
Some time later…
“Your dog’s weight looks great,” the vet said.
My friends, the parents of triplets, celebrated.
Some time later…
“Hmm, you need to bring him to a specialist,” the vet said, when friends, the parents of triplets, brought in their still-losing-weight, now-not-eating-and-throwing-up-a-lot dog.
Immediately thereafter…
“We need to operate on your dog – there’s a blockage and the X-ray doesn’t indicate what it is.”
My friends, the parents of triplets, awaited the results.
And do you even want to guess what the doctors discovered to be the blockage?
Guess.
Seriously, guess.
***
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Twenty-seven pacifiers. TWENTY-SEVEN PACIFIERS.
Snap!
Wow. Fully intact, no less. Which means, if they wanted, they could just wash them off and start using them again, no?
(P.S. I know I still have to announce the winner of my previous post’s contest - I’m behind on things — big things afoot in the house of Riley -more later)
(P.P.S. I’m not really a Steelers fan, but I give credit where credit is due — awesome game!)
(EDITED TO ADD: The dog has recovered and is doing fine; he may possibly be snacking on some feeding spoons now…)
