First and foremost, let me thank you for watching the movie 27 Dresses with me. I know it wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when you said, “Did we get anything new from Netflix?”
Secondly, thank you for resisting the urge to groan, an urge I’m sure was particularly hard to resist during any of the following moments:
a) The Benny and the Jets sing-a-long at the bar
b) c) The entire bridesmaid dress montage
d) The line, “Get over here.”
e) The line, “I cried like a baby.”
I’m sure you had the urge to groan through pretty much the whole movie except the line “Bridezilla’s on the loose!”, when I distinctly heard you laugh. I know this movie was a more painful experience for you than 13 Going on 30 or even How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. In the future, I’ll make sure to no longer subject you to movies with a number in the title, unless that number is II, III, IV, V, VI or 300.
Lastly, I feel obligated to tell you something:
When you asked me what we had received from Netflix, I neglected to inform you that in addition to receiving 27 Dresses, we had also received Iron Man. I’m not proud of what I did, but I knew what your answer would be if I gave you both choices.
To make up for it, I hereby suggest a compromise.
I will watch any of the following movies with you:
a) Any Rambo film
b) Any western starring Clint Eastwood, even High Plains Drifter
c) Any film starring Jean Claude Van Damme
When I’m not reading or writing or dealing with anxious dogs and screaming children at the vet or contemplating liniment cake, THEN I sit down and watch TV. I hesitate to say I “watch TV” since I don’t get any channels, not even the most basic of basic channels – my TV doesn’t have an antenna. Thanks to the wonders of Netflix, though, I can still couch potato it like the rest of the world. I only lack knowledge of current commercials and really, what am I missing out on? Those dumb high fructose corn syrup commercials? No thanks.
So the last 13 things I watched on Netflix—
1. Tropic Thunder. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this movie, I’d heard both good and bad things. This is what you call an Equal Opportunity Offender. Jack Black was a bit disappointing in this movie, but Robert Downey Jr. and Tom Cruise were something else. Wow. So funny. And so wrong.
2. Get Smart. I used to love the TV show and thought Steve Carell made a good Max. I laughed aloud at a number of lines, especially the scene where The Rock staples a guy’s face for not following office policy on refilling paper at the printer. I fully believe The Rock would do that in real life.
3. Smallville Season 7. I’ve only watched the first half of this season so far. I have a Smallville addiction. Actually, I have a Superman addiction. I love watching his heroics. It’s something I picked up from my mom, who only likes watching action and fantasy (which is how I grew up watching the A-Team, Hawaii Five-O, and Clash of the Titans). Plus, Tom Welling is ridiculously good looking. He makes the show worth sitting through every agonizing scene with Lana “I look like a twelve year old and have had so many different personalities in one series I don’t know who I am anymore” Lang. Enough with the Lana. More Lois, I say, MORE LOIS!
4. Pride and Prejudice, the BBC series. I decided once and for all to watch this and compare it to my beloved movie. The TV did a better job with the book adaptation, but it’s much longer, so they had the room to do it. I preferred Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth as the main characters vs Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen. They looked more the way I imagined them to look from the book. I also think the younger sisters, Mr. Wickham, and Lady Catherine de Bourgh were better in the TV series. The TV Lydia was fantastically obnoxious. I preferred the movie Jane over the TV Jane as well as the movie Mr. and Mrs. Bennet, Mr. Bingley, and Caroline Bingley, even thought the TV series gave the Bingley’s more of a role. Above all, nothing tops Tom Hollander’s performance of Mr. Collins in the movie. Oh, I cringe just thinking of him. And in other news, I spent way too much time analyzing this.
5. Be Kind Rewind. I have no choice but to say this movie was not as funny as I expected it to be. Whose fault is that, do you think? They should never have advertised the movie with the Ghostbusters reenactment because that was by far the funniest part of the movie and you can only go downhill when you give us your best scenes in the preview. Props to the word “Sweded” though. And I heart Mos Def.
6. Entourage Season 4. I watch this show for three people: Johnny Drama, Ari Gold, and Lloyd. Why is E so annoying? Why!!!! And Billy, what’s with the attitude? You were funny for a while, but enough’s enough.
7. Garfield. Who believes that there is a veterinarian out there who dresses like Jennifer Love Hewitt?
8. SpongeBob Square Pants: The Movie. Obviously, I rented this for the kids. I have to admit, though, had I known that David Hasselhoff would be appearing as himself, I totally would have gone to the theatre.
9. The Savages. Look at me! I’m an independent movie! See the dysfunction? See the presence of Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman? See how I have the scenes set to music that is seemingly disconnected but muy, muy creative? Yes, I am an independent movie! Um… sorry. I actually rather enjoyed this movie. Compelling subject, good acting, good dialogue. And excellent Jimmy, the Nigerian nursing home employee. The movie just seemed to be trying a little too hard.
10. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. I rented this and then Husband watched it while I wasn’t home and said he didn’t want to watch it again because it wasn’t that good. So I wound up returning this without watching it. How could it have possibly lived up to “Let’s burn it Pookie! Let’s burn this motherf*cker down!” anyway…
11. Sweeney Todd. I only watched the first half of this, and thought it was mesmerizing, especially “My Friends” and “Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir” but then I fell asleep and never got around to watching the second half and was antsy to get the next movie and really, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stomach any more throat slitting and blood spilling, so I’ll just buy the CD because the music was what I was really interested in.
12. We Are Marshall. Much like my feelings towards Superman, I am addicted to sports flicks, especially football (note my love for The Waterboy, The Replacements, The Longest Yard, Jerry Maguire, Invincible, even Necessary Roughness). We Are Marshall was heartfelt without being melodramatic, which is sometimes a problem with this kind of movie, but not exactly compelling either. I was glad to have seen it, but no need to see it again. And what was with Matthew McConaughey’s accent?
13. Flight of the Conchords Season 1. Abso-friggin-lutely Hilarious. HILARIOUS! Everyone should rent Flight of the Conchords. I watched so many of their songs on YouTube and worried the show wouldn’t live up, but it soooooo did. Jermaine’s David Bowie impersonation is out of control. I leave you with this, my favorite song:
I never knew Paul Newman, but that didn’t stop me from feeling sadness when I saw the headline announcing his death. When there’s talk of Paul Newman movies, there are limitless movies to reference. There’s this:
“Nobody can eat 50 eggs.”
And then there’s this: “What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?”
And there’s also this: “Next time I say let’s go to Bolivia, let’s GO TO BOLIVIA.”
As for me, I have two favorite Paul Newman movies. The Long Hot Summer and Hud.
Back in the day when I had cable and watched TV leisurely, I enjoyed the AMC channel. And on one random day, I saw these two movies back to back, mesmerized.
The Long, Hot Summer is based on a few works by William Faulkner. So, um, it’s about the South. We have the overbearing southern father, Will Varner (Orson Welles), his strong-willed daughter, Clara Varner (Joanne Woodward), his demanding fiancée, Minnie Littlejohn (Angela Lansbury), and his erratic son, Jody Varner (Anthony Franciosa). And along comes Ben Quick (Paul Newman), the sexy stranger. Will Varner embraces Ben Quick, offers him work. He sees in Quick the strength and smarts he admires in men, the kind of man his son is not, and he wants to pair Quick up with his daughter. The movie has a rocking kiss scene between Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman, rocking enough to tell me there’s no wondering as to how they stayed married all those years.
In Hud, which is based on a Larry “Lonesome Dove” McMurtry novel, Paul Newman is the older of two sons born to a Texas rancher, Homer Bannon (Melvyn Douglas). Hud is rebellious, defiant, and, of course, sexy. There’s Alma the house maid (Patricia Neal), with whom there’s a slightly flirtatious relationship that takes a bad turn when Hud has a bad night. Also along for the ride in family turmoil is Lonnie Bannon, Hud’s nephew, who lives with Homer. Lonnie idolizes Hud, but as he spends more time with Hud, the glamour fades. The family ranch is in jeopardy due to an outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease and Homer wants to do the right thing while Hud wants to stop him from being so scrupulous. There’s death and disappointment, some remorse, and life goes on. In short, it’s the work of Larry McMurtry on the big screen.
In addition to a career full of wonderful roles, I admire Paul Newman for never living a life like the brash upstarts he often portrayed. He was admirable man who cared about the world we live in, and acted on this care, founding an organic food line and a camp for children. His life is one I dream of imitating. All the best to his family.
Responsibility these days sometimes feels more like an anomaly. I mean, we do live in a country that is so lawsuit happy there’s an organization dedicated to stopping frivolous lawsuits, like The Pantswearer. There’s always some other person, organization, or deity to blame for one’s lot in life. Certainly not oneself. Like most parents, teaching my children responsibility is something I want to do, and a great website to contribute to this goal is The Responsibility Project by Liberty Mutual, which I learned about from Mom Central.
The Responsibility Project is a resource website created by Liberty Mutual to help parents talk to their children about personal responsibility. The short films come with discussion questions and there are also links to other great sites, like Kids Health.
These short films are actually good. Not like sitting around laughing at something ridiculous like “cheese in the face” on YouTube, but actual films that take me to another place, even if for only ten minutes. For example, New Boy is a compelling eleven minute film, based on a Roddy Doyle story.
Father’s Day and Mandy & Lester are also worth viewing. Really, all of them are pretty good, so you won’t have much trouble finding something good to watch.
You may or may not want to read the comments. If anything, the comments serve to remind me that there are MANY ways to interpret a film.
All in all, interesting site with thought-provoking articles and cool films. Enjoy! Spread the word on taking responsibility (except in the case of flatulence, when it is perfectly acceptable to point the blame elsewhere).
I spent Wednesday in and out of airports… still recuperating… maybe it’s the jet lag…
Wednesday morning, I arrived at the airport, where I went through the new family-designated boarding passholder checkpoint line. The guy told the kids that elves would check their luggage (as opposed to the X-ray machine) and then gave us smiley face stickers. The Boy walked away and gave me a knowing nod, then said, “I like that guy.’
We went to the McDonald’s at the airport and got Happy Meals because everyone in the House o’ Riley loves Star Wars and Mickey Dee’s is doing the Star Wars theme right now.
On an irrelevant note, what in the name of the Force led George Lucas to strike a deal with Pottery Barn?
So, Big Mac & Co gave the kids two different Happy Meal toys. This is a classic example of over-thinking how to please children. If you give them each the same toy, they’re happy. If you give them each a different toy, THEY WILL FIGHT OVER THE BETTER ONE. This happens to my friend every Christmas, who has two daughters and the family always gives the girls matching things (bags, sweaters, stuffed animals, etc) in two different colors. Of course they always fight over the pink one!
So the toys in question were the Anakin bobblehead – which has wheels and rolls around like a hot wheel – and the Darth Vader bobblehead, which is attached to a TIE fighter and has a noise button to press that makes shooting sounds and Vader-breathing sounds. Gee, I wonder which one they like – Anakin, AKA LOSER, or Vader with his sinister breathing and shooting. Oh, and yeah, I know they’re the same person, technically, but we all know technicalities only merit heeding when you’re playing cards against some jerkwad who can’t handle losing. I’m sorry, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, Anakin is lame. Lame, lame, lame. In fact, that’s my new Riley-ism: Anakin means lame.
On another irrelevant note, I was at McDonald’s the week before last to pick up these bobbleheads and they gave us a Chewbacca and Leia and while I was handing the toy over the The Boy, I only saw the back of Chewie’s head, which just looked like a full head of brown hair, so I said, “Look it’s Obi Wan.” Later on, when I realized it was Chewie, I was very distraught that the employee at McD’s might have thought that I actually didn’t know which characters were which, and was very concerned.
Um, did you know I’m a Star Wars geek?
On that note, I wish George Lucas would approve a movie version that featured Mara Jade.
Back to my flight – we were all excited to fly because I had hyped the kids up with the pep talk “They have movie screens in their chairs for you!” Would you believe that we sat in the one aisle of seats on the whole damn plane where the volume didn’t work? They reset the TVs for us 3 times before I finally threw in the towel. It was a four hour flight (and that was just to get to my connection city).
Good thing I bought that dry erase board at Wal-Mart for one dollar. One sixth the cost of renting a kids movie on a Delta flight.
On the second flight, the kid sitting on the other side of the aisle from me randomly screamed out nonsensical words through the whole flight. Honestly, it didn’t bother me that much because I’m used to kids screaming and whatnot, but the woman in front of me was not cool with it, and kept muttering to her husband about how she doesn’t blame the kid because kids will be kids but parents should be able to “shut them the f*ck up.” At the very end of the flight, when we were finally getting up to leave, she yelled twice at the kid to “Shut up!” and “Enough already!” In the end, I think she was the more obnoxious of the two. Especially when she got up and I saw she was wearing a white shirt with lace trim on the sleeves and a black bra underneath. Sorry, but nothing says Anakin like a visible black bra underneath white clothing.
I used to work with a guy, Mark*. Mark was a small Asian man who laughed exactly like Dr. Evil. He was awesome. And whenever he told us a story that he thought was funny, he would end it laughing like Dr. Evil, and regardless of whether or not the story was funny, it became funny at that moment.
So Mark is telling us this story about his friend who worked for a sporting goods store, like Sport Chalet, and the friend was working the register, and rang up some people purchasing ski gear that he had helped to pick out. After they walked away, Mark’s friend waved and said, “Have fun storming the castle!”
The people next in line gasped and said, “What did you just say!??!!”
And Mark’s friend said, “Have fun storming the castle? You know, Princess Bride?”
And the people said, “I thought you said, ‘Have fun skiing, you asshole.’”
Funny, yes?
Now imagine being told that story by a small Asian man who ended with, “And they said, (hand gesture for emphasis) ‘HAVE FUN SKIING, YOU ASSHOLE—BWAHAHAHA… BWAHAHAHA… BWAHAHAHA!!!!”
Yeah.
My friends are that ridiculous.
So. On to 13 other wonderful lines from The Princess Bride.
1. Ha! Your pig fiancé is too late!
2. In the meantime, rest well… and dream of large women.
3. You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?
4. I could give you my word as a Spaniard!
5. Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
6. He is very very short on… Charm!
7. Oh, you mean this gate key.
8. The Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of PU-TRESCENCE!
9. True love is the greatest thing in the world, except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce, and tomato? Where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe… they’re so perky, I love that.
10. Well, I’m not saying I’d like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.
11. Whoo hoo, look who knows so much!
12. Because iocaine comes from Australia!
13. You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
Clearly, I left out some obvious ones. Go ahead, tell me yours…
(*names have been changed to protect the ridiculous, BWAHAHAHA!)
Slowly but surely, my family is becoming a family that goes to the movies together. Our first outing was Ratatouille. Nothing terrible occurred, but they didn’t sit still. We decided it would be a while before we tried again. A Bee Movie. Not so bad. Little No Limit was antsy, then fell asleep. But Husband and I thought A Bee Movie was more like A Stupid Movie, so the experience didn’t get a full thumbs up. A few months ago, we went to see Horton Hears a Who, and oh, the triumph! The Boy actually cheered and gasped while watching the movie, ie he actually understood what was happening. The children not only sat quietly, they weighed enough to keep the folding seats down without the help of my bag or leg. Life was good.
Last night, we ventured out to see Kung Fu Panda. Minus a possibly painful excursion to the bathroom when I didn’t realize there was a step and almost bashed my head into the stair banister, the movie-going experience was uneventful. The Boy did talk a lot (“Oh no, he’s hurt!” “Oh, it’s really yellow!” “Why did he DO that?”), but most of the audience took it in stride.
So. About Kung Fu Panda.
Po is a big, lovable Panda (who you don’t wait in that hot, extra-long line at the zoo to see) who desires to be someone besides who he is: the son of a duck and heir to a noodle shop. Meanwhile, the biggest, baddest enemy of them all, Tai Lung, is on his way to destroy everyone and the two masters and the five warriors have to find the “Dragon Warrior” to defeat him. Kung Fu Panda has funny moments, replete with movie-style martial arts sequences that should please the Kung Fu Hustler in all of you.
The key to enjoying this movie is Jack Black. If you like Jack Black, you’re bound to enjoy a few laughs. If you don’t like Jack Black, you have probably stopped reading this by now. If you haven’t, then believe me, you have my most sincere understanding. I used to dislike Jack Black. I just didn’t think Tenacious D was as funny as everyone else. It didn’t help that everyone kept telling me that I would totally love it and built up my expectations WAY too high. But then School of Rock came along and changed everything. Nacho Libre helped too. As for Kung Fu Panda? Skadoosh. We’ll probably buy this one when it comes out on DVD.
And I’ll probably still have “everybody was kung fu fighting…” stuck in my head. Do you think Carl Douglas had ANY IDEA what a legendary song this would become?
You ever seen Young Guns II? I’ve seen it, oh, say, a gazillion million googolplex times? (shout out to Catherine) That is only movie I ever saw six times in a theatre. Why? Hmm. Eighth grade. Feast o’ fine men. Gun slinging. Good quotes – yoo hoo, I’ll make you famous; howdy doc, how’re your drawers?; yessir, I do: you can go to hell, hell, hell; it’s an ancient Navajo word—it means stop; and my personal favorite, you only like boys?
I bought the one and only Bon Jovi album I ever have or ever shall own, Blaze Of Glory: Songs Written And Performed By Jon Bon Jovi, Inspired By The Film Young Guns II. And oh, how I listened to that cassette tape. Over and over.
Years later, over the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college, I got a phone call from Lawyer Girl. She had popped in one of my old VHS tapes that I had recorded some movie off TV with, and then got busy doing something else, so the tape played on. Her comment was this:
“I, um… I found the Bon Jovi video.”
Busted. I had forgotten all about that week of watching MTV just to hit the Record button at the exact start of the Blaze of Glory video.
There is no way accurately describe her voice. She may as well have said, I, um, I know you were the fourth gunman on the grassy knoll.
What was I to do? I fessed up. Yeah. I liked it. Yeah. I recorded it. So what. I was thirteen and the Blaze of Glory video featured all the hotties from the movie. Sue me.
Does this make me a Bon Jovi fan? No. It makes me a Young Guns II fan. But I will give Bon Jovi credit for a few things: You Give Love a Bad Name, because without that song, what ever would the guy with the mohawk have sung on karaoke night (who, incidentally, my friend realized was one of the grocery baggers at Trader Joe’s); the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Bon Jovi concert coverage; and finally, the mere fact that they are STILL AROUND!!!! WTF!!! How can they still be going strong after all these years?
As Husband put it, “Even Journey, I can kind of understand. But Bon Jovi? I don’t get it.”
And now, in all its (Blaze of) Glory, the video—please note the excellent emphasis on the power of music from the 4:25 to 4:27 time frame.
Saturday Morning Cartoons turned spectacular movies–what’s your opinion on these? I know the storylines are never thrilling or original, but I love to watch these movies anyway.
This is what I remember about Speed Racer from my childhood: the fact that I loved it. I would get very excited when it came on. I would watch it with my brothers and sister. I remember Speed’s blue shirt and red hankie. I remember Trixie. I remember the way their mouths formed a circle when they gasped or shouted “Oh no!” and that whenever someone was punched or kicked, the next shot would be of their open mouth shouting “Ow!”
When news of the Speed Racer movie first came out, I was excited. The Wachowski brothers were making it. Awesome. They were going to be using new film technology. Double awesome.
Last night, Husband and I saw it. Despite what others might say, Speed Racer fulfilled all my needs for an entertaining night at the movies, and I’m glad I saw it over Iron Man. Glad I tell you, GLAD! The storyline was—wait for it—Speed Racer vs. The Man. What a surprise. Go, Speed, go. But, oh, what a feast for the eyes. Bright, swirling lights? Check. Sweet rides? Check. Borders on psychedelic? Check. I don’t mind paying ten bucks a pop for movies like this, because they’re worth seeing on a big screen. I hope the technical crew wins big at the Oscars.
Speed Racer still donned his blue shirt and Christina Ricci looked perfect as Trixie, and the score made good use of the Speed Racer theme (though I’m not entirely sure about the ending credits remix). I reminisced over those years of watching that campy cartoon and how it had morphed into this big screen rendition of elaborate race tracks and big to-do special effects. Sigh. My little Speedy is all grown up.
Oh, and kudos to the casting and costuming minds that brought us Matthew Fox clad in black leather AND a mask. Oh, the things I can think…
Set in Montana, A Plumm Summer is about the Plumm family, a married couple with two boys, teenage Elliot and his younger brother, Rocky. Dad is on the verge of being a full-blown alcoholic, and Elliot feels it’s up to him look out for his family. One fateful day in the summer of 1968, Froggy Doo of the popular Happy Herb and Froggy Doo Show is kidnapped. Happy Herb is devastated by the loss of his beloved marionette, but what about the kids? Rocky just can’t live without his Froggy Doo. With the help of his friend Haley, Elliot and Rocky embark on the adventure of their lives trying to locate the lost marionette. Cast includes Henry Winkler as Happy Herb and William Baldwin as the alcoholic father.
A Plumm Summer is a feel-good, family friendly film. There’s a quirky humor to the hoopla being made over this missing marionette (don’t you dare call Froggy Doo a puppet!), complete with baffled FBI agents (Peter Scolari and Rick Overton). The movie addresses family issues without getting overly sentimental and the two young actors who portray the Plumm brothers, Chris J. Kelly and Owen Pearce, did a wonderful job.
Little cuties.
Henry Winkler as Happy Herb should immediately put a smile on the face of anyone who ever enjoyed watching Happy Days. He’s a consummate performer, hilarious as he goes about the stage as a wizard with his smart-talking frog, and then touching when he completely loses it after Froggy Doo turns up missing.
The real star of this movie, though, is the Montana setting. What a beautiful place. Director Caroline Zelder didn’t waste a single opportunity to use the sun-bathed hills and golden-leaved trees to evoke this bygone time when a little town got caught up in a missing marionette. Between the children riding bikes in the sunlight and the gorgeous shot of a full moon, the movie made me want to book that trip to Bozeman that’s been waiting patiently on my to-do list.
A Plumm Summer opens this weekend in select theatres. For a complete listing, check out the film’s website, www.APlummSummer.com.
It will make me really happy if you come see my movie.
