With a Little Help From Banned Words
Happy New Year to everyone! I’m looking forward to 2010, as 2009 was a very long year for me. I considered writing some sappy reflection on the past year, but lucky for all of us, I didn’t have the time. Instead, please enjoy my reflections on the year, courtesy of words that ought to be banned.
shovel-ready, as in “In 2009, I never once heard this term. I guess nothing in California is shovel-ready.”
unfriended, as in “If you unfriended me in 2009, I wouldn’t know because I don’t care enough to check. But in 2010, you better watch it — I’ll stalk you if you dare unfriend me.”
stimulus, as in “If you added together all the times the word stimulus was uttered negatively by Glenn Beck and positively by Rachel Maddow in 2009, who would win? (And more importantly, what would they win?)”
Obamacare and Obamanomics, as in “See above.”
sexting, as in “In 2009, I learned that sexting is only a pleasurable experience when it involves high profile celebrities that you can blackmail, sue, or at the very least, publicly humiliate.”
tweeting, retweeting and tweetaholics, as in “I still haven’t gotten the hang of Twitter.”
bromance, as in “Hey, what’s wrong with bromance?”
teachable moment, as in “2009 was one big teachable moment for me, or as the phrase was previously known, life.”
chillax, as in “Dude, chillax, all I said was sexting would be cool if it involved a public figure. You don’t need to turn this into some teachable moment and unfriend me and all that.”
transparently and toxic assets, as in “I don’t know how anyone takes the word assets seriously anyway. Combining it with toxic was transparently someone’s lead-in to the world’s biggest butt joke.”
too big to fail, as in “Nothing is too big to fail. Not even someone’s toxic assets.”
app, as in “I wish they had an app to friend me with a public figure whom I could involve with a little sexting and then blackmail for money. Hopefully, he would later view the experience as a teachable moment.”
in these economic times, as in “For those of you disappointed in ths post, all I can say is that in these economic times, I have to work with the material given.”
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