When was the last time you went to the circus? I haven’t been since I was in third grade and went to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® Circus, during which they unveiled a unicorn. A real, live unicorn! I was eight. I was mesmerized. Those unicorn guys are back, this time with two different shows, Zing Zang Zoom and Over the Top. MomCentral has a discount offer for anyone who wants to go, see the end of this post for more details.

It just so happens that exactly one year ago I was thinking about the circus. I had just finished reading Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen, which is about an old man reflecting on the days of his youth when he jumped a circus train and learned what that crazy life was all about. I posted it about it then too, but I figure, Water for Elephants was an interesting read and worth reposting:

Sometimes I think that if I had to choose between an ear of corn or making love to a woman, I’d choose the corn. Not that I wouldn’t love to have a final roll in the hay—I am a man yet, and some things never die—but the thought of those sweet kernels bursting between my teeth sure sets my mouth to watering. It’s fantasy, I know that. Neither will happen. I just like to weigh the options, as though I were standing in front of Solomon: a final roll in the hay or an ear of corn. What a wonderful dilemma. Sometimes I substitute an apple for the corn.

The above paragraph is taken from chapter one. Water for Elephants is quirky and funny, demented and tragic. Such is the circus life, I guess.

I read this book for my book club and tonight is the meeting. I skimmed over the suggested discussion questions at the end of the book and in one of them, Ms. Gruen says she incorporated Jacob’s story from the Bible. Yikes! I did not see that coming. In fact, I was a total lidiot (my own made up word: literary idiot, the reader who JUST DIDN’T GET IT), saying to myself, well, his name is Jacob I can see that connection. But what else?

After giving it more thought, I have come up with these:

There’s the woman Jacob loves, Marlena. You could make the argument that Uncle Al is a sort of Laban, extracting unpaid work from Jacob, although there’s no promise of anyone’s hand in marriage. Also, what does that make August?

Jacob’s ladder. In Water for Elephants, the ladder is important to life on a circus train (as well as bootleg liquor, hey hey). The ladders enable one to jump atop train cars and move from one to another, which happens from time to time when you’re on a train as often as these fine folks. Maybe the circus people are like the angels ascending and descending the ladder.

If Jacob’s Ladder is to signify the Jewish exiles, then you might say the ladder of a circus train is symbolic of the exiles of the circus performers, like Kinko/Walter, who has nowhere else to go because his mother sold him. And really, one might consider the whole circus an exile, given the multiple occasions on which they are run out of town.

Jacob’s Ladder leads from earth to heaven, and since the circus train ladder leads from inside the stock cars to atop them, maybe that means both heaven and earth are the circus train? For these circus performer, life takes place, essentially, on the train. The train only stopped to put on the show, so when they were off the train, they were working to set up, put on, and take down the show. So earth is the insides of the stock cars, these people’s homes and livelihoods. Heaven is looking upon the train from atop the roof, like when Jacob Jankowski ascends the ladder:

I climb to the roof. He moves over and when I sit down next to him he claps a hand on my shoulder. “Turn around. I want you to see something.”
He points down the length of the train. It stretches behind us like a giant snake, the linked cars jiggling and bending as it rounds a curve.
“It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it, Jacob?” says August.

In the case of the circus performers, I tend to think that heaven could well be the view of the train from above, because it is a home and employment during the Depression when both were scarce.

Camel. Well, the name alone works with the stretching muscle. There were camels in the Bible, right? Camel also has the problem of having done something bad that he hasn’t forgiven himself for, and though we never do find out if Camel’s family forgave him, we know they were willing to take him back. All that forgiveness talks seemed to have “Biblical imagery” written all over it.

I think the best parallel to Biblical Jacob comes when Jacob Jankowski realizes that it is up to him to protect the circus animals from the treatment they receive under Uncle Al and August:

I am their shepherd, their protector. And it’s more than a duty. It’s a covenant with my father.

While I realize that Jacob is referring to his biological father, I think it’s safe to assume this sentence is meant to carry more meaning than just that.

We’ll see how it goes tonight at the book club meeting. In case I’m totally amiss with my interpretation, I’m bringing a copy of one of the books of circus photos that inspired Sara Gruen to write the book. “Wild, Weird, and Wonderful: The American Circus as Seen by F.W. Glasier.” I had to drive to not-my-usual library to check it out. Extra effort like that should count for something, right?

All I know is, parallel to Biblical Jacob? If she says so. Good read? Definitely.

***

So, are you itching to read the book now or go to the circus and see the real deal? Got time for both?

You can visit Ringling’s site here.

The details on the discounts are as follows:

Offer #1: Get 4 tickets for just $44 by entering the discount code “MOM” at select ticketing channels. Offer good on all performances, minimum purchase of 4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Circus Celebrity Seating, Front Row and VIP seating or combinable with other offers. Other Restrictions May Apply.

Offer #2: A select amount of Front Row and VIP seats have been reserved for you to buy before they go on sale to the public - just enter the code “MOM” when purchasing those seats. Dates and cities where families can use the national MOM discount code this spring are as follows:

Newark/East Rutherford/Uniondale/NYC
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
March 5 - April 13
Offer not valid on performances from April 10 - 13 at Madison Square Garden

Washington D.C./ Fairfax, VA/ Baltimore, MD
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
March 18-April 19

Philadelphia
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
May 13-May 25

Phoenix
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
June 24-June 28

Houston
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 15-July 26

Anaheim/LA/Ontario
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
July 8-August 2

San Francisco
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 12-August 23

Dallas/Ft Worth
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 29-August 16

Sacramento
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 27-August 30

Kansas City
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
September 16-September 20

Don’t see your city listed? Visit the Ringling site to find it. You can also visit Ticketmaster to use the 4 tickets for $44 code, MOM.

First, a little news – there is an interview with me on Scribbit today. Stop by and say hello! And to anyone who is here because they clicked over from there, welcome!

***

I’m sitting in my kitchen window seat and looking at my car parked outside. There is a line in my window, the big black line that divides the pane, and because of it, there is a line dividing my car in half. It’s like I’m looking at a car commercial, you know the kind where one half of the car looks like the car they want you to buy, with all the bells and whistles, and the other half is the car they are comparing it to, the car they are telling you is no good. It may even be suggested that it is the car you currently drive and need to ditch. Which side would they choose for which? Which side of the car is the better side to be on – the driver side or the passenger side?

Did you remember the movie Garden State when Zach Braff is looking at himself in the bathroom mirror and his face is divided? Looking at my car divided is that movie scene for my life. Sometimes I am the driver and sometimes the passenger.

When I am in driver’s seat, I am in charge. I’m going places, doing things, coming home. I may need directions sometimes, I may have to slow down and speed up because of things going on around me – an accident, someone cuts me off, a red light, a traffic cop hiding behind a billboard. In the driver’s seat, it’s all up to me. I have to pay attention to everything around me, and even if I’m driving down a scenic highway, I do not have the luxury to admire the snow-capped mountains or ocean sunset, because I am the one moving – moving fast or moving slow, I am still moving, and to take my eyes off the road or the action around me could result in an accident.

When I am the passenger, it’s much easier. I am coasting. I can be enthralled by the scenery and amused by bad billboards. I can criticize the driver and tell them turn here, turn there, go faster, slow down. I don’t need to worry about other drivers or factors of the road. I only need to be aware of the path. And we all know the path is easier to view than to walk. There are those times in the passenger seat where it’s a little scary, if the driver doesn’t know where they’re going or what they’re doing – we’ve all been there, right? Where we’re clutching the door handle and stomping on the imaginary brake? It’s at moments like those when it’s time to stop watching and start doing. But I can’t always say, “Let’s pull over. I’ll drive for a while.” Sometimes I just have to ride it out.

Of late, I think I’m unbalanced towards the driver’s side. I’m going to try to apply the brakes more often, to slow down, stop, and take a breather. To look out my window and enjoy the world passing me by instead of the other way around.

Sunrise, sunset, swiftly fly the years…

Little No Limit joined me on today’s dog walk. It was a happy go lucky walk but like all happy go lucky moments with children, this one came to a magnificent end in the form of a crash onto the sidewalk. Little No Limit was holding onto the leash when Her Name is Rio lunged towards a fence behind which her keen dog senses suspected a ne’er do well was up to something. Down went Little No Limit.

A moment of silence.

Then cries. Shrill, piercing cries. Wails. Tears. You would think someone had taken her dear Fuzzy and de-stuffed him.

Never speak of such horrors!

I hugged. I kissed. I sat and let her to cry it out. Then I said we needed to keep walking if she wanted to go home and put on a bandage. Of course, we just had to be at the halfway mark: 3/4 mile into the walk with 3/4 mile to go.

Off we went, with an added soundtrack of sniffling. Despite my suggestion she pick up the pink “flower power” petals that had fallen from a tree and hold them in her hands so their healing powers could soothe her (I’m big on lying to heal the pain), she continued to sniffle.

We got home and the Old Faithful geyser that is her tear ducts produced an astonishing amount of fresh tears accompanied by an even more astonishing performance of wails and cries – as if this had JUST happened and not three-quarters of a mile ago. This is a girl who knows how to get her father’s attention.

I took on the role of nurse and washed and bandaged her knees, after which Little No Limit wiped her eyes and said, “No school tomorrow.”

Oh, my darling, who do you think you’re fooling?

We all know there are reasons to stay home from school, but scraped knees are not among those reasons unless you scraped them because while rushing to the bathroom to vomit in your flu-and-fever-induced stupor you tripped and scraped your knees.

As it turns out, though, there are a lot of parents out there who aren’t sure when is and is not the appropriate time to keep the kids at home. And being one of the parents who truly believes that kids who receive Perfect Attendance awards probably went to school when they shouldn’t have (because nobody is Bruce Willis in Unbreakable), I’d like to let you know that there are a list of guidelines available to help you determine when to and not to keep your kids at home. Triaminic has a moms webpage and a downloadable PDF regarding Sick Day Guidelines per the National Association of School Nurses (AKA those women who NEVER bought your stomachache excuses). Please read them.

Also, check out Triaminic’s new Cold and Cough thin strips. My kids actually believe that I am the woman on the cover of the box:

P.S. They have an online coupon right now:

Thanks to Scott Gale, for doing this interview with me about his upcoming book, Your Family Constitution. Sign up on his website to read the first chapter and be notified when the book comes out.

1. What is your book about?

The book is a road map that parents can use to identify their core values and build effective family structure around them.

2. What prompted you to write this book?

I had a Mother’s Day meltdown with my son that culminated with me walking 14 miles homes. It gave me a lot of time to think and made me realize the need for change within my own family. After completing the Family Constitution for my family and living with it for a while, I decided to share it with other parents through this book.

3. Who do you hope will read this book?

Any parents with kids in the home or anyone thinking of becoming a parent.

4. What are the top 3 messages you hope to get across to your readers?

1) Clarity, consistency and commitment are the three keys to effective family management
2) Failure to step back and plan because you are too busy only fuels the fire of frustration and chaos
3) Parenting is what you make of it. You have to make it fun for you and your kids. All the other good stuff will follow.

5. Are your wife and children excited about this book?

My wife is nervous because she feels like I’m airing our dirty laundry to the world; nevertheless, she supports me on this journey. My kids don’t really care, as they don’t sense any impact of the book to their world.

6. What was your writing process for completing this project?

I wrote a complete draft, then submitted to a few close friends for review. After I received feedback, I basically re-wrote the entire thing to provide a more personal voice.

7. Do you have any other writing projects in mind?

Kind of. I want to write a comedy screenplay about competitive eating.

8. How did you decide come up with the title?

I just described the product.

9. What was your favorite part about writing this book?

Even though I basically discarded the first draft, the initial writing process really allowed me to think. It was very therapeutic.

10. Least favorite?

Editing. It is like pulling teeth after you have read through something 100+ times.

11. What advice do you have for other first-time writers out there?

Start with a framework. Define your voice and your audience. Then start writing.

12. Where can readers buy/pre-order your book?

They can go on my website and download the first chapter for free. They can provide their email and I will let them know as soon as it is available for sale.

13. Anything else you’d like to say?

I want to reinforce how much effort it takes to make change in your life. It will always be inconvenient, as the life of a parent is by definition crazy. But, it is so worth the effort.

Go check out his website for more details. Thanks, Scott!

This post contributed to Thursday Thirteen.

An animal sighting is always fun with the kids. On our recent trip to the Ocean Institute, The Boy had to walk by the touch-and-feel tank three times before finally deciding he could reach in and touch the starfish and sea cucumbers. I was a little apprehensive over how the slimy feeling would go over, but he liked it, though not as much as he liked Boris the BIG lobster:

Boris the 25lb (or so) lobster at the Ocean Institute in Dana Point.

On a different trip to Irvine Regional Park to play, the kids were extremely excited to see a peacock wandering about:

It turned in my direction, likely due to the sound of the agitated voice of The Boy: “Mom! Mom! Take a picture!”

Other pictures at Wordless Wednesday, MomDot, and Special Exposure Wednesday.

So. You’ve got kids. And you’ve got to entertain them, for, say, a lifetime?

Buy them a flashlight.

I don’t know what it is about my kids and flashlights, but if they were going to be sent to a desert island and could only bring 3 things, each of them would choose a flashlight as one of their items. I’m pretty confident that Little No Limit’s #2 and #3 would be her cat, Fuzzy, and a fancy dress and The Boy would bring his backpack filled with a random collection of small things and a DVD player with movies (Word World for certain). Obviously, this desert island would have electricity.

At any rate, flashlights are big in our house. And now, I should specify that they are good flashlights. None of those cheap Wal-Mart plastic flashlights for us. I’ve tried the cheapskate route. You know what the problem is with cheap flashlights? Bad light bulbs. Ever thought your cheap flashlight needs new batteries only to replace them and find out it still doesn’t work? Hope you didn’t throw the batteries away because they probably weren’t the problem. I moved on to those flashlights that you shake up and they shine for 15 minutes? Thing broke almost immediately. Undaunted, I decided it was a lemon. FIVE flashlights later, I accepted it was a problematic flashlight and moved onto (drumroll, please) MagnaLight.

These babies are so sweet, that in addition to the kids’ personal flashlights that they’re allowed to keep in bed with them to ward off scary things of the night, I keep a flashlight in my car, the entryway closet, my bedroom, and if I could find a lightweight one, my purse.

James Bond’s Q ain’t got nothing on MagnaLight. Don’t believe me? Check out the site. Any store that has a description/category called explosion proof lights is *clearly* James Bond material.

One of Husband’s favorite jokes is this little ditty–

Q: What’s the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?
A: Two weeks.

The thirteen dollar walk-in haircut is usually not a problem for me. I have natural color, no products used, straight hair. This is why the thirteen dollar walk-in hair cut is not a problem for me. Usually.

My sideswept bangs were getting a little too long. I asked her to trim them. And another inch off the whole lot of hair.

I don’t know exactly what she did, but it was NOT cool when I got home and my hair dried. I had no choice but to take matters, er, scissors, into my own hands. I re-trimmed the bangs. Now I have the bangs of Buttercup the Powerpuff Girl.

It would be cute if I was six.

It’s all good, though, because according to the woman who cut my hair, a new moon is upon us (Wednesday) and when we’re in a new moon phase, the gravitational pull is heavier. And because my hair is freshly cut, the ends will be extra heavy. WHICH MEANS, with the weight of my hair combined with the new moon extra gravitational pull, my hair will grow longer, faster.

Holy Hair Growth, Batman!

And I didn’t even pay extra for that information.

One week, six days, and counting…

First, a cartoon:

Found at The Blog That Ate Manhattan

You know what this cartoon means? It means I went in for my lady appointment today.

It started off on a bad foot because, as usual, my doctor tried to discuss my caffeine habit:

How much coffee are you drinking now?
I’m down to three cups a day.
That’s still too much.
It’s significantly less than what it was. (paniced voice) I really like coffee!
Can’t you drink decaf?
(Stare of disbelief, followed by my “is that a challenge?” voice) Do you drink decaf?

After coffee talk, we moved right on to the Pabst beer, which is never an exciting thing. And a shout out to my doc for mid-Pabst beer saying, “There is something in the air bothering my allergies.” Don’t you dare sneeze into my Pabst beer, bro.

So why am I even talking about my visit and my Pabst beer? Because I do not hold back, and everyone should feel comfortable talking about doing the things that ensure you stay healthy. Plus, it’s funny to keep calling it something as unsavory as Pabst beer.

Also unsavory is ovarian cancer. And here’s a fun online thing to do: visit Electrolux Appliances and Kelly [Ripa] Confidential, where you’ll see they don’t find ovarian cancer to be too savory either. For every virtual cupcake you send from their site to a friend, they will donate $1.00 to Ovarian Cancer research. But hurry up, because they’re only doing it through the end of the month. As of last week, they’d raised $24,000. That’s pretty sweet. Cupcake sweet.

So go ahead, make someone’s day. Two person’s days, actually. The person you send the cupcake to, and the woman who benefits from ovarian cancer research. Then treat yourself to a real drink, not that silly Pabst beer. And don’t forget to schedule that other kind of Pabst beer either (hope your doc doesn’t have allergies).

2009 Oscars Highlights

1. “Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.”

I should just go ahead and stop there, because, seriously, nothing topped Mr. Animated Short Film’s thank you speech. However, I’m always too wordy…

2. Steve Martin to Tina Fey: “Don’t fall in love with me.” While I am starting to get a little “enough of Tina Fey”-ish, that line was pretty all time. Only Steve Martin could have pulled it off.

3. Making fun of Joaquin Phoenix. I take it that Hollywood assumes this is schtick or doesn’t give a shite that poor Joaquin is OUTTA HIS EFFING MIND?

4. Jennifer Aniston’s presentation. Did we really need those cuts to Brad and Angie? BRAD AND JENNIFER DIVORCED AND NOW HE’S WITH ANGELINA. WE GET IT. IT HAPPENS. AND NOT JUST IN HOLLYWOOD.

5. Hugh Jackman: “The musical is back.” Thank you, Hugh. Especially the Wolverine line. I loved all the West Side Story. Now if you could just explain to me who thought it would be a good idea for you and Beyonce to sing “You’re the One That I Want” when CLEARLY you should have sang something from Kiss of the Spider Woman, I’d be most pleased. I don’t care that that musical was never made into a movie. It was the musical you two were made to sing.

6. Jessica Biel, what’s with the toga? Now please make a movie, or at the very least a cameo on Entourage. I’m starting to forget all about that high spirited gal who posed in Playboy to get out of her 7th Heaven contract.

7. The New Boy. YES! I’m stoked this got nominated, even if it didn’t win. Did I not mention that I loved this some time ago?

8. Pineapple Express. James Franco, seriously, JAMES FRANCO. Why are you so funny???? Laughing at The Reader!!!!

9. JC Penny commercials, anyone? No offense on the money you spent on your crazy good looking models and fancy commercials, but seriously, your clothes are UGLY. Ain’t nothing gonna change that.

10. Message to Queen Latifah and Reese Witherspoon: lose the black sash. Also, Reese, who did your hair? Nobody?

11. I *heart* Paul Newman.

12. When that La Vie en Rose actress was telling Kate what an inspiring actress she was, my sister in law paused the show on Kate Winslet’s face and said: “I’m Kate Winslet. Who are you, again?” Exactly.

13. And, Kate, you’re the most nominated actress of your generation, and the running favorite for tonight, and you thought it was a good idea to pour entire canister of gel onto your head?

14. And lastly, Tom Cruise doesn’t have a cat. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

As you may have guessed from my most recent Wordless Wednesday picture, I’m delving a bit more into the online world and its possibilities. I’m working on a website, separate from this lovely blog (more details to come). For any among you looking for your own web host, here’s an a neat site: Web Hosting Choice.

Ever get the feeling that the free Blogger or Wordpress blog you use (or for goodness sake, are you still using MySpace?) just isn’t enough? But you don’t know how to go about getting your own web host or what is or isn’t a good price, and you don’t have a cool brother-in-law to help you out?

Web Hosting Choice helps.

Here are some of its features:

• Advanced Search – lets you check off boxes to meet your particular needs and enter in minimum/maximum prices
• Web host directory based on features
• A learning center that offers an FAQ list to answer every question you ever had about web hosting but were afraid to ask, eg: “What I Web Hosting?”
• A monthly newsletter that you can sign up to stay up to date on the latest and greatest
• My favorite: the site is AD FREE.

Pretty sweet, eh? (Did I really just say “eh”? You’d think I just finished watching Strange Brew.)