Lowe’s and the Mummy
I am at Lowe’s standing eye to eye with a mummy.
He is a frail mummy, as most mummies are (perhaps it’s to do with their organs being removed).
His arms are crossed over his chest and he is tightly bandaged from head to toe. His bandages show the wear of time, slightly gray with fraying edges.
He is a good mummy. But at $79, he is a mummy that costs the equivalent of feeding my entire family in the Philippines for a month (we’re talking ALL the cousins, even third and twice removed).
He is also a special mummy. A mummy whose green eyes dart from side to side when you least expect it, and then he will emit from beneath his gray, fraying bandages an eeeevil laugh.
HAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!
When this $79, well-made mummy with the green eyes cast his evil laugh, I took a step back, startled, because I did not expect him to come with sound effects (though that does explain the price).
The other person who did not expect our friend the mummy to look around and cackle was Little No Limit, who emitted an equally loud scream, nay, louder than the mummy’s, and then she turned and ran. And when I say ran, I mean RAN. Ran for dear life. Ran straight to the exit, then through it, and went directly outside and INTO THE STREET. And I chased her, running like a damn mummy was chasing me, and I swooped her into my arms and out of the street, and thankfully, there were no cars at the moment.
I stepped off of the street in the direction going back to the Lowe’s entrance and her nails dug into my neck and she clutched me with her whole being and screamed:
“No! No! He’s scary! To the car! I - Want - To - Go - To - The - Car!”
So.
She CAN speak. She CAN tell me what she needs, and she CAN do it in complete sentences.
I knew it.
Joke’s on you, Little No Limit.
Thanks, Mummy.
HAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
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Wow! I guess we can find ourselves grateful for the craziest things… like scary mummies.
Halloween is definitely one of the better “holidays.” It is only there for Halloween, right? It’s not some weird cult Lowe’s, right?
Why, I was just at Lowe’s this morning when the very same mummy spoke to me. I was wondering whether it was such a good idea to have it so close to the doors. Now I know it wasn’t. (Except that it got LNL to speak out!)
So glad you got something good out of it.
Last year my oldest (then 3yo) was terrified by a talking skeleton on the neighbor’s porch. She avoided that house for months.
My 3 year old is TERRIFIED of the Halloween displays. I do not have any idea how she’ll handle the hordes of teenaged zombies in our town come Halloween evening….
coool…. I am very happy for you. Clearly the diagnostic tests they have been doing for speech eval have not scared the Be-Jeesus out of LNL.
It is funny how anyone reacts when it is their basic thoughts, no cover ups or time to put a face on. Congrats on knowing she can talk, the joke is on her…hopefully this has broken her silence. Maybe she didn’t realize she could talk either!