All Rileyed Up

I was happy to sign up for the Clorox Green Works blog tour through Mom Central because I just LOVE washing my dishes.

Oops. You weren’t supposed to see that.

I signed on for the Clorox Green Works tour because I was curious if it worked as well as Seventh Generation, a company and product I love.

Clorox Green Works does actually work well. I don’t have to use as much of it as I have to use of Seventh Generation’s detergent, and it’s easier to get. Good for Clorox for coming out with Green Works. However, Clorox still churns out its chemical-laden products too, which makes them look like they’re just jumping on the green bandwagon, an exact concern they address in their FAQ’s on their website: “We’ve been working on natural products for the past 5 years. We set ourselves a difficult task–to set the standard for natural cleaning and create products that clean with the power you expect from Clorox. In fact, we delayed Green Works™ products from hitting the shelves by 6 months to further perfect the formula. We are fully committed to continuing to develop natural products that continue to set the standard for natural.”

What would be really great would be if Clorox phased out their other products in favor of only selling their Green Works products. Think it’ll happen?

Yeah. Me neither. Let’s just focus on baby steps. I have a nicely scented dish detergent that works well and can be purchased at the local grocery store, so the next time you’re buying detergent, give Clorox Green Works a shot instead of Dawn or Palmolive. And if you already buy Clorox products, try only buying their Green Works ones. Give them a reason to, shall we say, get greener.

Get a pinata of a cat:

Mary of Life, the Universe, and Everything tagged me for a meme and I was all excited. Yea, a meme! No one ever tags me for a meme! Now it’s like a month later and I realize why no one ever tags me for a meme.

So.

The task is simple: think back on the last 15 years of your life. What would you tell someone that you hadn’t seen or talked to for 15 years? How would you sum up your life? You get 10 bullet points. A list of 10 things to summarize about you.

This is quite similar to the bios I was reading in my husband’s high school reunion pamphlet last month. Some dude actually included a picture of himself shirtless while driving a boat. I totally lambasted him before realizing he was sitting at my table. Oops. Didn’t recognize him with his shirt on.

Ahem. Back to me. Ten things I did from age 16 to 31.

1. Let’s start at 16 then? I developed a crush on a guy who worked with me at Blockbuster Video (actually, he worked at a different BBV, but he always stopped by mine because he was roommates with my boss). I flirted with him incessantly and one day he asked if I wanted to go to the Jesus and Mary Chain concert with him and his friends and gave me his phone number. I chickened out and never called him. Assume I did that a lot through bullet point 5.
2. Age 18. (I’ve told you guys this before, but here we go again) I went on a trip to France to celebrate the freedom and independence that comes with graduating from high school. I started off on the Bretagne coast and then went to a small town in Northern France with a friend. I bowled in Belgium. I went kayaking and was the 1500th customer at the kayaking place and they gave me a bunch of prizes and my picture was in two local papers, Un American En Canoe! Small French towns rock!
3. Still 18. I moved to New Orleans.
4. Ages 18-22. I don’t remember too clearly what happened in New Orleans. But crawfish was involved. And parades with flying cabbage. A couple police officers at an inopportune moment. And a Latin professor at a really inopportune moment.
5. Age 22. I moved to California. I rented a bedroom from a man I found through the Penny Saver who coached junior high girls volleyball.
6. Age 23. I won the Halloween costume contest at Gateway Computers by convincing the rest of my team to dress up with me as the Village People. This was a key moment worth bringing up because it told me I don’t belong in a corporation.
7. Age 23-25. Husband and I bought and tended a 150-tree apple orchard. The eating of many tasty apples and apple treats ensued.
8. Age 25. I got pregnant and had a baby.
Diapers and sleepless nights, along with 2 major house moves followed.
And then…
9. Age 27. I got pregnant (again) and had a baby (again).
Diapers and sleepless nights (again), along with 2 major house moves (again).
And then…
10. I wrote a novel.

Tag yourself. I don’t want to put that pressure on anyone.

On Saturday night, we celebrated the birthdays of both Husband and Little No Limit. One was turning four. The other age is inconsequential.

We kept the party limited to just family. It seemed a bit of a cheat since we rented the petting zoo for The Boy’s birthday, but he was turning five, which is such a bigger birthday to me. Really, I don’t know why five is such a bigger birthday, but it just is. I think is has something to do with The 12 Days of Christmas song, though.

Even just the family is a decent size party though. We also invited our best friends (whose new wooden floor I recently treated to a little corkboard action). All told, we had twelve adults and seven children.

Which is more than enough to beat the heck out of a piñata and then scurry for candy while a severed cat head overlooks:

(It made the dogs very happy.)

For food, I made a Mexican bean and corn casserole and spicy quinoa soup that were both vegan, and allergen free. For the birthday cake, I made chocolate cake without the use of animal products, soy, oats, rice, or gluten. The recipe I followed (and altered) was designed for a two layer cake, but since we had two birthdays, I just put each layer on its own plate. I know they don’t look like much, but considering my ingredient list, I think the cakes look mighty nice:

Unfortunately, they did not taste so mighty nice. A lot of people were taking a bite or two of the cake, then saying, “Wow! Great icing!” So I know to keep the icing recipe. I was disheartened, though, so I didn’t bother eating the cake. After everyone left and I was cleaning up, I finally decided to try the cake. And to tell you the truth, it wasn’t winning any baking contests, but really, not so bad that you couldn’t eat it. The problem was it was kind of bland. But as long as you ate the cake with icing (and there was plenty of icing to make that possible), you were in the clear. The icing was supersweet while the cake was not sweet enough. I think if I had made the cake sweeter, it might have been sugar overload. So anyway, I’m making this cake again. With an extra cup of brown sugar. And applesauce. Or an overripe banana. Or both. And maybe some fruit juice concentrate. Whoo hoo! I’m going crazy in the kitchen! (and special thanks to Sister in Law, Husband, and children for eating all of their cake, and double thanks to Sister in Law for eating a second slice and then picking all the candied toppings off the second cake and eating those too - yeah, I saw you do that).

P.S. Also, the remaining cake did go to good use. My teenage niece made a bit of ‘art’ with the leftover cake, a party favor, and one of the candles:

A bit of a fire hazard, no? Could you imagine that call? “Help! My rubber dinosaur finger puppet caught on fire!”

It really begs the question, what was going on with the toilet paper prior to this sign appearing?

Meet Daniel X, a 15 year old alien hunter ridding the earth of incorrigible aliens. The Dangerous Days of Daniel X is book one of a series, and this particular, um, episode gives us a glimpse of Daniel’s life and family history as well as his encounter with Seth Ergent, number six on The List of Alien Outlaws.

According to the Young Adult Library Services Association, boys more often than girls don’t like to read because they find it “boring,” they “like other activities better” and they “can’t get into the stories.” I checked in with Beth Patin, head librarian of The Holy Cross School in New Orleans, an all boys school grades 5-12, who said, “Boys do read. They just don’t associate themselves with the type of books that most English teachers suggest. Teachers often assign classic novels that are perceived as uninteresting. It would liven things up if a teacher would assign a current story, that maybe has an Ipod in it.”

She encourages her students to read by “Finding out what they are interested in and then making a connection with a book in that subject area. Boys love technology: audio-books, the Amazon Kindle, and electronic books are great formats for guys.”

So will Daniel X make the cut?

I asked Patin to help me out in a completely unscientific survey and asked all the students who stopped by her library during lunchtime whether or not they would read this book based on the description above. Out of ten students, seven said yes, one asked for more details, one said he’d read it already (nerd alert) and one, interestingly, repsonded “I don’t read.”

James Patterson, the father of a ten year old boy himself, aims to give boys something they’ll want to read. Seizing on the facts that boys like action and are more inclined to read comics and graphic novels over other forms of fiction, Patterson included in The Dangerous Days of Daniel X all the action, dialogue, drama, aliens, and superpowers one might expect to find in a comic book or graphic novel, replete with jokes and gross-out material (think scum, ooze, earwax, and the word “spaghetti-like”). Surprisingly, no skateboarding, which I had fully expected.

The Dangerous Days of Daniel X is quick reading and does feel like I’m reading the thoughts of a boy. Some of the dialogue gets a little silly for me, but then again, I’ve overheard boys’ conversations and they sometimes sound silly too (and yes, I’m sure they think I sound ridiculous). As a mother, I give this the mom-stamp of approval for boys. It’s clean and it follows all the basic elements of novel writing, so it’s a good starter book to interest boys in reading before they move on to heavier stuff. All in all, I’ll pass this copy on to my nephew and I think he’ll enjoy it.

Things to know:

Buy the book here.

The book’s website here.

Want to read and review books like this? Go here.

P.S. On another note, congrats to Beckie, who won the CD giveaway.

My best Princess Bride story is this:

I used to work with a guy, Mark*. Mark was a small Asian man who laughed exactly like Dr. Evil. He was awesome. And whenever he told us a story that he thought was funny, he would end it laughing like Dr. Evil, and regardless of whether or not the story was funny, it became funny at that moment.

So Mark is telling us this story about his friend who worked for a sporting goods store, like Sport Chalet, and the friend was working the register, and rang up some people purchasing ski gear that he had helped to pick out. After they walked away, Mark’s friend waved and said, “Have fun storming the castle!”

The people next in line gasped and said, “What did you just say!??!!”

And Mark’s friend said, “Have fun storming the castle? You know, Princess Bride?”

And the people said, “I thought you said, ‘Have fun skiing, you asshole.’”

Funny, yes?

Now imagine being told that story by a small Asian man who ended with, “And they said, (hand gesture for emphasis) ‘HAVE FUN SKIING, YOU ASSHOLE—BWAHAHAHA… BWAHAHAHA… BWAHAHAHA!!!!”

Yeah.

My friends are that ridiculous.

So. On to 13 other wonderful lines from The Princess Bride.

1. Ha! Your pig fiancé is too late!
2. In the meantime, rest well… and dream of large women.
3. You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?
4. I could give you my word as a Spaniard!
5. Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
6. He is very very short on… Charm!
7. Oh, you mean this gate key.
8. The Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of PU-TRESCENCE!
9. True love is the greatest thing in the world, except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce, and tomato? Where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe… they’re so perky, I love that.
10. Well, I’m not saying I’d like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.
11. Whoo hoo, look who knows so much!
12. Because iocaine comes from Australia!
13. You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

Clearly, I left out some obvious ones. Go ahead, tell me yours…

(*names have been changed to protect the ridiculous, BWAHAHAHA!)

Taken at the Opus One Winery, May 2006

To all NYC Midnight viewers, welcome to my blog. Story below.

To my regular blog readers, I’m participating in NYC Midnight’s Creative Writing Competition, which entails a series of short fiction timed writing assignments. This past weekend, I had 48 hours to write a comedy 1000 words or less that took place in an auto shop and involved chopsticks (I know, wtf?).

Enjoy (or don’t, as the case may be)—

“What Happens in Vegas”

Synopsis: Nipple rings and Elvis, or another day in the life for an auto repair shop guy in Las Vegas.

The first thing I noticed about the guy was his nipple. He walked into my auto repair shop wearing the kind of tank top that curved inward in the front. Girls sometimes wore them over bikinis in the ads in my auto parts supply magazines, and they looked all right, but this guy—what was he thinking? Both of his nipples were showing and one of them was pierced. It was a gold hoop with a charm hanging off of it. I couldn’t quite tell what it was, though. Golf clubs? A ballpoint?

The guy started in with his story, the same song I’ve heard sung from all my customers. My shop is in south Las Vegas. People from all over the country, hell, the world, have come into my shop with unexpected car problems, ending their tales with the same words: “Only me! This only happens to me!”

I always want to respond to these stories, it’s not just you and it’s not bad luck. It’s never getting your oil changed or never looking into that rattle that you’ve been hearing for four months or not replacing your tires when they have no tread. Or trying to go off-roading in a friggin’ Sebring, which is what Nipple Guy had done.

I handed Nipple Guy a blank form for his contact information. He stood at the counter, scribbling into the blank spaces, and the charm on his nipple jiggled. The pierced nipple looked different from the regular one—pinker, redder, purpler, swollen. I was horrified but couldn’t take my eyes off it. I feared it might burst, or at the very least, ooze. I once cut my finger off, and it got an infection while growing back. Those were tough days, and I had to wonder, while looking at this guy’s blistery bauble, if he’d remembered to take his prescription antibiotics.

The charm jiggled again, and I realized what it was: chopsticks. I wanted to ask him why he was wearing a chopsticks charm, but I didn’t want to let on I’d been looking at his nipple. But really, why? He was ruining my entire Chinese restaurant experience standing in front of me with those chopsticks dangling from his nipple. I’d never be able to eat orange chicken again, I thought. I’d only taste nipple.

“Your car will be ready at three o’clock, sir,” I said. “Do you plan on waiting here?”

He said yes, and sat down in the waiting area. Of all the times for one of my customers to wait. Couldn’t he walk across the street to the Station casino and expose himself to the old ladies at the nickel slots?

I started helping the next customers, a group of girls who’d been in Vegas for the weekend. They seemed to be in competition for who could spill the best details about each other’s indiscretions, each trying to top the other in what dirty little secret they could tell. After every tale—and there were quite a few for one weekend—they laughed and said, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

My next customer was Elvis. He looked exactly like the young Elvis, with thick black hair, and he even spoke with a southern drawl. He filled out his paperwork and when he walked over to the waiting area, I heard him say, “Reg, is that you? I thought that was you!”

An hour later, the guys and I were hard at work listening to a mix of Los Fabulosos Cadillacs and Creedence Clearwater Revival when one of the girls-night-out girls opened the door to our garage. “Sir!” she said. “Excuse me! Sir!” She looked terrified and when I got over to her, I could hear noise in the waiting area. “There’s a problem,” she said.

Elvis and Nipple Guy were in the throes of a fist fight, with the girls-night-out girls huddled in one corner. We entered the room just as Elvis reached for the nipple ring.

I never knew it was possible for a group of men and women to scream in vicarious pain at the same time, but it sounded something like “Ahhhhhhh…” that started off really loud, and then faded to gaped mouths and no additional words. Nipple Guy writhed on the floor, clutching his nipple while flinging insults at the Elvis guy and his mama. And the real Elvis. Which hardly seemed necessary. Elvis Presley was a talented man.

We called the police, the hospital. When it was all said and done, Elvis was taken by the police, Nipple Guy was taken to the hospital for stitches, and we were behind three hours on our workload. The girls-night-out girls were much more subdued and ready to go when their car was done.

That night, my girlfriend showed me a news report that she’d recorded earlier about the fight. It turned out Nipple Guy and Elvis knew each other. Nipple Guy was dating Elvis’ ex-girlfriend and Elvis had only gone into my car shop because he’d been looking for an opportunity to confront Nipple Guy. The sight of the chopsticks charm on Nipple Guy had pushed Elvis over the edge. Apparently, the girlfriend ran a kiosk at the mall selling decorative chopsticks and jewelry, and had once given Elvis the same exact charm.

“Looks like you had a fun day,” my girlfriend said.

I thought of those girls-night-out girls, probably driving home right then, horrified or amused, or both, by the day’s events. I could already imagine how the story would be told and re-told to everyone at home.

“You know what they say,” I said and stretched out on the couch. “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

The end.

In other news, I can’t wait to see what kind of Google searches lead people to my blog, due to excessive use of the word nipple – perverts or breastfeeders? Either way, sorry I don’t have what you’re looking for. But I do have this:

Mmmm, tasty!

I’ve done a movie theatre carnival and a quotes of the day carnival, now here’s a carnival with quotes from movies. Can you guess which movies these lines came from? (answers at bottom)

Education

1. “I’m a teacher. All I need are minds for molding.”

Tammy presents Is Deschooling All that Important? posted at Life Without School.

Heather Johnson presents The Changing Face of Pedagogy posted at Et cetera.

Family Cooking & Recipes

2. “Dessert! Chilled monkey brains.”

Jennifer presents Summertime Recipes From the Family Cookbook posted at Diary of 1.

Expat Chef presents What’s for Lunch? Lunch Packing Tips posted at The Expatriate’s Kitchen, saying, offering a few lunch box tips to keep things fresh and healthy during the upcoming school year.

Family Crafts and Activities

3. “Good news, everybody, we’re extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.”

K presents Your Own Seaside Resort posted at Almost Frugal.

Modern Parent presents Summer Fun: Splish Splash He’s Not Taking a Bath posted at Modernparent.org.

Tip Diva presents Top Ten Tips - Throwing A Decade-Themed Party posted at Tip Diva, explaining,”Decade-themed parties are a nostalgic, fun way to celebrate a special occation. Here are fun ways to bring back the ‘good ol’ days.’”

Yi Hui Chang presents Picking blackberries for free posted at The Simple Wealth.

sWenchypoo presents TV D-Day: Will You Need a Converter Box? posted at Wisdom From Wenchypoo’s Mental Wastebasket. She says, “If you television viewing is a family activity at your house, be forewarned.”

HowToMe presents How to Sew Toddler Bedding posted at HowToMe.

Patricia Twitchell presents Bear Collecting; what’s the thrill? posted at Just Bears and Stuff. Patricia notes that “collecting things, like teddy bears, is the passion of countless numbers of people around the world” and she’s interested in understanding why.

Family Finance

4. “I’m so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.”

Matthew Paulson presents 5 Ways to Find Back to School Bargains posted at American Consumer News.

Lauren Rose presents Tips on How to Teach Your Kids to Save Money posted at No Debt Anymore .org. Lauren says that the “concept of buying something tomorrow instead of today is a difficult concept for kids to master. Exaggerating your explanation of the benefits derived may help them understand.”

Debt Freedom Fighter presents Why Personal Debt Is At Its Highest Level Ever posted at Discover Debt Freedom!.

Money Answer Guy presents Should I consider buying a motor scooter to save money? - The Money Answer Guy posted at The Money Answer Guy.

Lazy Man and Money presents Ways Not Having a Job Impacts Our Personal Finances posted at Lazy Man and Money.

Silicon Valley Blogger presents Avoid A Bitter Family Feud: Estate Planning To The Rescue! » Silicon Valley Blog About Money posted at The Digerati Life.

Family Health and Wellness

5. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”

Batya presents “Old age is not for sissies” posted at me-ander.

Fiona King presents 25 Ways to Make an Organic Lifestyle More Affordable posted at Organicasm.

Laura Scarborough presents for the sleepless new mommies posted at Adventures in Juggling, a survey conducted by maternal child nursing experts. “Sleep-deprived new mommies, here is you chance to tell the experts how much sleep you aren’t getting!”

Suzanne presents how to help a family with a medical emergency that lands them in I.C.U. posted at :: adventures in daily living ::.

Alvaro Fernandez presents Neurogenesis and Brain Plasticity in Adult Brains posted at SharpBrains: Your Window into the Brain Fitness Revolution. Alvaro tells us that “adults may have a tendency to become ’set in their ways,’ but change can keep aging brains healthy.”

Stephanie presents The Elephant posted at Stop the Ride!.

Family Humor

6. “I like these guys. They are funny guys. Just kill one of them.”

Riley presents Swimming With Sharks posted at All Rileyed Up.

T. Dalia presents I’ll get you my pretty posted at Daily Dalia.

TherapyDoc presents Kids Say the Darndest Things posted at Everyone Needs Therapy.

Kyle James presents Grocery Shopping With Kids: A Dad’s Perspective posted at Kyle.

Mrs Cleaver presents Baby Birthdays, Batteries, Toys, and Injections posted at Not Quite Cookie Cutter.

Gabriel Almada presents Wedding plans posted at Live from Waterloo.

Family Relationships and Self-Improvement

7. “I was sitting there alone on prom night, in a rented tuxedo, and my whole life flashed before my eyes. And I realized finally, and for the first time, that I wanted to kill somebody. So I figured since I loved you so much, it’d be a good idea if I didn’t see you anymore.”

Carole Gold presents It’s All About Energy posted at McKay Today, saying, “What’s the secret to successful, long-lasting relationships?”

Sally Huss presents Epidemic of Happiness posted at Addicted to Happiness!. She wants to unleash an “epidemic” of happiness, especially within families.

Alex Smith presents Who Really Needs to Learn Self-Defense posted at TBO-Tech.

dawn presents My Biggest Asset. . . posted at Iowahippiechick about her 27-year marriage.

Donald Latumahina presents How to Manage a Long Distance Relationship posted at Life Optimizer.

Machione presents Memorial Day Special - Remembering Todd Christopher Weaver posted at The North Canton Beat.

Family Travel

8. “Some people find it ironical that although we run a travel agency, we’ve never been outside of Blaine.”

Matthew Paulson presents Avoiding Baggage Fees: Organized Packing Tips posted at The Travel Advocate.

Machione presents Beech Creek Butterfly House Is Great Entertainment posted at Stark County, Ohio News And Views…, saying, “Families are traveling from near and far to visit this new butterfly house.”

Parenting Tips and Advice

9. “My dad believed in two things: That Greeks should educate non Greeks about being Greek and every ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy can be cured with Windex.”

Abel Cheng presents The One Reason Why Your Child Can’t Be An All-Rounder posted at Parent Wonder.

Kevin presents Tips for Handling Parental Frustration posted at More4kids.

Thank you all for participating in the Carnival this week!

You can submit a blog article for the August 18, 2008, Summer Memories Edition of the Carnival, hosted at The Frugal Homesteading Blog, by clicking here!

The Carnival archive can be viewed here.

Interested in hosting a future edition? Review the schedule here and then drop a line letting JHS know the week you would like to have the Carnival visit your site!

Answers: 1. School of Rock. 2. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom 3. Happy Gilmore 4. Arthur 5. Arsenic and Old Lace 6. Three Amigos 7. Grosse Pointe Blank 8. Waiting for Guffman 9. My Big Fat Greek Wedding