Because if I was Smarter, Life Would be Too Easy
Yesterday, my glasses dropped on the sidewalk and the lens popped out. I don’t even know what kind of shoddy glasses I own that when I abuse them and lose them and drop them on cement, the lens has the nerve to pop out AND refuse to be forced back in!
I needed a screwdriver to loosen the frame to slip the lens in, so I went into my dark and scary garage to find one. The garage smells like dog, is poorly lit, very disorganized and half the floor is covered with wood shavings and dead bees. We had a bee hive removed OVER A YEAR AGO from the area outside the garage window and dead bees are still on my garage floor.
Why? Because I’m not cleaning the garage. It’s full of tool-related stuff that I don’t even recognize, except for screwdrivers and hammers. Roto whatevers and saw tables and every picture in the Lowe’s ads that make it possible to turn a crib into a desk–that’s what’s in my garage. And the person who does know what these things are (I’ll give you a hint — his name starts with an H and ends with an -usband)? He’s too busy working to clean the garage (not in a ‘I begrudge it’ kind of way, but a ‘He works hard enough that I just don’t have the heart to ask him to clean the garage on his day off’ kind of way, esp since he won me over with his dirty talking). So we have this garage of canine cologne and bee bombardment, and this is where I have to venture for my screwdriver.
Now, being the energetic person that I am, I didn’t want to bring the screwdriver back inside the house to sit at the table to fix my glasses and then have to bring the screwdriver back outside. Twenty or thrity steps are just TOO MUCH for my ONLY PAIR OF PRESCRIPTION GLASSES (that aren’t sunglasses). I tried to fix them in the garage. The poorly lit one. With wood shavings and dead bees.
Did I mention I was also talking on the phone and therefore holding a phone to my ear with my shoulder while trying to repair the glasses in my hands? AND I had no glasses on because (obviously) I was trying to fix them?
If you didn’t see where this was going, my dumb ass dropped the screw that holds my glasses frame together.
And though I cursed and vainly searched, and then walked back inside to get a flashlight, I still didn’t find it. I spent the rest of the day, a sunless day, in my sunglasses and the following morning drove to Sears and bought a watch repair kit.
So, let’s see… avoiding one trip to the garage cost me two extra trips to the garage (to get the flashlight and go back out), not being able to see long distances for a day, a drive to and from Sears, and five bucks. I’m not a math genius (and based on the story at hand, I’m no genius at all), but I think I wound up on the losing end of that equation.
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Canine cologne…is that a Calvin Klein scent?
You have bad eyeglass karma. But a great sense of humour. Can’t win ‘em all.
Plus, Alpha Dogma, she now has a watch repair kit. What more could a woman ask for?
I’m glad my eyesight isn’t dependent upon me keeping a pair of glasses in good condiition, because I would be BLIND.
I abuse my glasses too. I actually thought I lost them, so I bought a new pair, only to find that they weren’t lost, just hiding really well under the driver’s seat. I was too lazy to go and get a flashlight. Thank goodness there weren’t any bees.
I do things like this all the time, and I feel weak just thinking about all the glasses I’ve been through. And just recently, I sat on my favorite pair and utterly ruined them. Not so long ago I could have sat on my glasses with little effect, so this was a blow doubly painful.
so it’s fair to say you have a screw loose?
d
OMG, my trip to the garage is also far and unfathomable, such that i can’t bear the thought of walking there to get something unless i can think of other errands to perform there as well. which means i am really lazy about restocking the diet coke from the garage supply, or getting a new roll of paper towels (sometimes when i’m really clever i bring two rolls in and stash one, just in case it’s my turn to refill it when the last paper towel comes off the roll.)