What’s Grosser Than Gross?
This morning, havoc ensued when the Notorious F.O.X. brought a dead rat into the house. The poor thing was clenching a tiny twig in its forepaw at the moment of death. It looked like it was holding a flower whose petals had fallen off.
And I’m going to let you in on a little something – when I saw that dead rat on the floor, I screamed. Not a high pitched girly scream, but a loud yell-scream, like the kind of sound you make when you’re listening to that Jingle Bells backwards email that your friend sent you wherein a friggin demonic creature takes over your computer and screams at you and you have to call your friend and yell at them for sending that without any kind of warning because you were holding your then two year old in your lap and now that stupid email joke may have scarred her for life… but I digress.
The reason I bring up this rat is that I am noticing a disturbing trend in the House of Riley. Grossness is taking over my home. Grossness! Dead rat in dog’s mouth? Gross!
Know what else is gross?
Last Friday, I grabbed the garbage bin handle and promptly stuck my hand into a spider web containing three dead flies.
Sticky web + dead flies + MY FINGERNAILS = GROSS.
I’m still waking up in the middle of the night and washing my hands, murmuring “out, damned web, out I say.”
Hey! Guess what else is gross?
Yesterday, I went to the gym again. (That’s not the gross part) I worked my heart rate into a frenzy on that crazy elliptical thingamajig which resulted in copious amounts of sweat. (Still not the gross part) I used my towel like the good gym member that I am to wipe my sweat off all the weight machines and such, and when I was done with my thoroughly sweaty gym routine, I got the kids from the gym care and went home. On the way home, The Boy asked if we could stop by the beach, which sounded like a good idea. We walked along, played with stones and sand, and then Little No Limit tripped and soaked herself in the water. Not a big deal. It happens almost every time we’re at the beach. That’s why I keep extra towels and clothes in the back of my car at all times. However, when we got back to the car, I realized I had forgotten to replenish the supply since the previous trip to the beach, which meant the only towel option in the car was – oh yes – my nasty, sweaty gym towel. Which we used, because she was that wet.
Gross, huh?
This may be the grossest, though:
Husband and I discovered that Little No Limit has been secretly brushing the dogs’ backs with – sigh – her toothbrush. Yeah. We caught her doing it this morning. No telling how long it’s been going on. Or whoever else’s toothbrushes may have been used. I shudder to think. Excuse me, now. I’m off to buy new toothbrushes. And Listerine. The jumbo size.
(This post contributed to the Carnival of Family Life, which will be hosted this Sunday at The Chocolate Chip Cookie Family.)
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And we have so already established that the Jingle Bells debacle was from an email your friend sent and not — I repeat — not from the one on my blog. Gross? Dude, the rat is gross, yeah. The web? No. The towel? No. I’ve used dirty dog towels to dry my kids. The toothbrush — possibly your toothbrush — on the dog. Yeah, gross. ‘Cause if your dog is like my dog, the things that have been in that dog’s mouth. Just in the last hour. Blech!
I don’t judge you by your grossness. It just makes me appreciate my relatively gross-free life.
Dead rat - I would have to move far, far away. And give away my dog. And go to therapy.
Spider webs - meh, they don’t bug me. Not that I LOVE being all entangled in a spider web, but it’s not UPSETTING.
Dirty towels - okay, again, not my favorite but I’d be okay.
The dog’s toothbrush - mere gargling would NOT be enough. Gah.
I found my daughter once dipping my toothbrush in the toilet. Of course the natural question was, “Is this the only time or did I just miss this before?”
My older sister used to use my toothbrush to comb out her mascara. Sometimes I really hated her.
(But she’s a very nice person now.)
As long as Little No Limit didn’t brush the dog’s teeth with her toothbrush, I say give her a warning and let her go.
Or perhaps you need to torch everything and start over.
I hate those scary emails, I’m a big wimp when it comes to those!
Yep, new tooth brushes all around. And I would have been having freaking NIGHTMARES for the rest of my life if i had stuck my hand in a spider’s web! :::shudder:::
Not just gross, but funny too! As long as they are happening to you and not me…
I’m visiting by way of the carnival and I have to say this is a little gross but a whole lot of funny!
My cat brought in a dead weasel last week. Honest. I thought it was one of those fur things some people wear around their necks at first. It was still warm, cute as the dickens, and dead as a doornail — (how’s that for cliche similes?)
As for the flies and the towel, though, I don’t find those terribly gross. How about a cockroach the size of a plum in your soup? How about a kid putting her hand in someone’s phlegm? Believe me, there are some very gross things out there, and sweaty towels and dead flies hardly register on my scale.