Until She Swept, She Could Not See
Once upon a time, there lived a woman who constantly lost her glasses. On a near hourly basis.
It was decided that secret invisible gremlins lurked in the corners of her home, and aided by the woman’s children, would snatch up the glasses and move them elsewhere. To a different counter, perhaps or the inside of a Shape-O ball. Maybe even into the car (MAGICAL, these gremlins were, ooooooh).
One day, the glasses vanished from all finding spots. The woman searched in vain, only to give up after a full day of exhaustive searching that included the garbage can, the recycling bin, the freezer, and the garage, even though she hadn’t spent any time in the garage that day (them being MAGICAL gremlins and all, ooooooh).
The following morning, after dropping The Boy off to summer school, she headed to Wal-Mart, and then Costco, in search of a glasses place that could fill her prescription in one day. But alas, there was no eye center at this particular Wal-Mart and the Costco order would take two weeks to fulfill (nothing MAGICAL about that, but ooooooh nonetheless).
The woman had no choice but to drive to LensCrafters, a long drive that including braving the California freeway system and the mall with two children in tow. The woman picked up The Boy from summer school, and feeling drowsy from the decongestant she had taken, decided to nap and brave LensCrafters the following morning (a MAGICAL intervention perhaps? Ooooooh).
She awoke from her nap to a phone call reminding her that friends were coming over for dinner. The woman immediately took in the state of her house (somewhat blurred by her lack of glasses) and began to clean. She picked up the broom to sweep all the dirt from the backyard patio into the yard because it is a favorite game of Little No Limit’s to strew dirt everywhere it shouldn’t be (and she often screamed ooooooh as she did it).
And while sweeping, the woman heard a slight rasp, a scrip scrip scrip… ‘twas the scrape of metal upon concrete! She peered at the ground (she had to squint as she was not wearing her glasses). Can it be? (Gasp!) Is it true? (Oooooh!)
Indeed, her glasses lay in the middle of the patio outside FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
And the woman put on her glasses and happily wore them the rest of the night, and slept in the next morning as the trip to LensCrafters was no longer necessary.
So, the moral of the story is, sweeping, on occasion, can save you money and trips to LensCrafters.
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I think those mysterious glass gremlins are called glasslings. They are also able to bewitch you so that you can look in the same woven basked at least 5 times for your glasses. The bewitching only ends when you’ve gone to Lenscrafters, paid mucho dinero for an identical pair, only to come home and within one day find them at the bottom of the basket.
I’m glad your story had a happier ending than mine!
I love a happy ending.
So you couldn’t see well enough to see your glasses without squinting BUT you were driving a car ON THE FREEWAY? Livin’ on the edge, missy.
Alpha Dogma,
I have prescription sunglasses.
Of course, I still fancy myself a livin’ on the edge kind of four-eyed gal…
OMG. I haven’t laughed that hard at a post in a while. I can so relate. My glasses, which have recently become more important to avoid headaches, always get bent this way and that. I have clear tape holding the lens in on one side. they are Isabella’s toy. Anyway, i would bend them back into shape to avoid a trip to lens crafters anyday!!! Great post - I love your stuff!!!! (but you know that duhhhhh)
Honestly, I’m a little sad that I didn’t get to be some sort of “Glenda the Glasses Witch” for all the years I spent being able to conjure your lost glasses.
And I’m sure there’s a little squinty-eyed bug who was oh-so-happy to be able to see, even for the briefest of moments, until some huge being snatched his newfangled seeing machine off the patio.
Loved your account.
I don’t wear glasses - I should but I don’t - so I have to make do with jus tlosing my keys.
Lol it sounds like you need to super glue them to your face. I could never drive with out my glasses, I am soo blind with out them.
At my house, before I leave, I say, “Okay - the eternal question.” And everybody chimes in, in tones of weariness, “Where are my glasses.”
For all the things that we lose at our house, I say thank you for such a gloriously funny post!