Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Does What Broadway Actors Can
Extra extra, read all about it, here or here: Spiderman is in the works for Broadway, with music and lyrics by Bono and The Edge.
“They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway…”
Hey, I like musicals as much as the next person (probably even more), but in the words of my friend who told me about this: “worst idea ever.”
Since when do Bono and The Edge write musicals? Are they channeling their inner Elton Johns? Can we also expect some sort of humanitarian agenda underlying the entire musical? Will Spider-Man bring about an end to starvation in Africa? Or will this be a by-product of the Sinister Six in cahoots with Kim Jong Il killing half the world before Spidey wraps them all up in a great big webby mess and then does a solo dramatic movement number to guitar riffs written by The Edge (which is why there are no words).
The scariest quote from those articles was this one:
“Marvel continues to look to every entertainment medium to support the enduring popularity of our Super Heroes.”
Great. I guess this means that after Spider-Man, we can look forward to these fancy Broadway productions–
The X-Men, wherein Hugh Jackman reprises the role of Wolverine. Music by Paul Simon. Every song is a lyrical poem about introspection. It will get pulled a week later.
Fantastic Four, wherein Jessica Alba reprises the role of Susan Storm and spends most of the show pole-dancing. Music by 50 Cent and Andy Samburg. It’s hip and comedic.
The Hulk, starring the one, the only DAVID HASSELHOFF. Music by him. (Genius! Genius! Genius!).
Captain America, starring Clay Aiken. As an added bonus, Captain America will kick Simon Cowell’s ass in the middle of show.
Can’t. Hardly. Wait.
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Hoh dear. I’ll be looking forward to Apocalypse Now! a dancing extravaganza.
if they made it like avenue q, i’d be totally down!
we’re taking a little trip to vegas in may and are planning on seeing ‘the producers’ with david hasselhoff. i can’t wait! it’s gotta be awesome!
Ugh. I mean I love U2 but I just can’t see it.
Though I thought the whole Spamalot musical was a stupid idea too so what do I know?
Lyrical songs about introspection + Wolverine = Genius.
Also hasslehoff. Good lord.
Am I out of touch or does Hasslehoff + Shatner= WTF?
Also, they have the same hair.
Oh my god! Some things are just spectacular in their awfulness! But to really make them good they all need a hefty helping of transvestites in the lead roles. That. Would. So. Rock!