Mo’ Money, Mo’ Money, Mo’ Money
This year has been the Year of No Money for me. Also known as the Chinese Year of the Suckfest.
It’s been this way because we sold our house back in January, or thought we had, and then it didn’t sell after all, because the woman who was going to buy it turned out to be a liar (that is the extremely short version of a very long story).
So, we had extra money to cover our asses in the months since January, but never in a million years did we fathom that we would still be making payments on that house here in August. In fact, we only covered ourselves through May. In order to make ends meet that past couple months, we incurred some debts and also sold random items on eBay. I’m going to use my iron to create a religious image on a grilled cheese sandwich and sell it for $30,000 (Shhh, don’t tell anyone it’s bullshit).
So, we’ve actually made ends meet all these months, but this coming month is going to be a doozy. I need to earn money. Seeing as no book contracts are looming in my future, I am trying to find a way to earn money that is flexible with my schedule. I need a job that will pay me enough money that I will have a worthwhile amount leftover after paying for child care. DARE TO FUCKING DREAM. I think I’m more likely to find WMDs in my kitchen cabinets (oh, crap, the CIA’s knocking on my door now – they’re demanding my grilled cheese sandwich).
Seriously, my respects to all the working moms (and dads) out there, I really don’t know how you do it.
So, I’m brainstorming ways to make money from home so I can avoid paying for child care. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
1. Get a pimp. Nightly hours, cash in my hand, a centuries long tradition of fieldwork. Concerned about the legality? Vegas is only a road trip away.
2. Online surveys. I’m really glad to see the efforts with which survey companies try to control their study groups: Do I have a name and email address? Then my opinion is worth something! I think survey groups are run by the same people who determine who gets a California driver’s license.
3. Dog walker. I walk my own dogs every morning. I see everyone else walking their dogs. They never smile back and say hello to me. Maybe they don’t like walking their dogs. Maybe they can pay me to do it for them. Or maybe the reason they aren’t smiling back at me is because my dogs are trying to attack their dogs. Please, for everyone’s sake, stop dressing your dogs in those sweaters.
4. Blood and plasma donation. Do I actually need those things to live? Oh. Damn. Does anyone want my tonsils or appendix?
5. Child modeling. Hey, my kids are cute. Isn’t it the right of every child star’s parent to steal all their kids’ money?
“What happened to all my money?”
6. Lawsuit. Any lawsuit. My sister in law got sued for $5000 because her cat scratched her neighbor, and Judge Judy ruled in favor of the neighbor. I’m not even making that up. Just so you know, the people who bring you Judge Judy pay for your court costs, pay for the verdict, and pay you $500 to be on the show. I’m going to sue my bank for not giving me money even though I said please and promised to pay them back. Here’s my lawyer.
So, that’s the game plan. Any more ideas? Send them my way via needsmoney@a_lot_ of_ it.com
Oh, crap, the FBI’s at my door. They’re demanding my tonsils and appendix.
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LMAO, sounds like some winners there!
Sucks that a liar bought your house or should I say, didn’t.
I am afraid you don’t make much on the whole blood and plasma thing, ask my ex. He certainly couldn’t pay his child support with it. LOL
What about online gambling? Hmmm. Can wager what the CIA and FBI don’t take and if lady luck is on your side you could hit it big! Maybe even get your tonsils back. LOL
Wish I had some real answers for you cause the cost of day care sucks. I had to quit my job (away from home) cause there was no way I could afford to put mine in daycare.
that is why we don’t have kids yet…can’t afford them - jk
That’s why we don’t have kids yet…can’t afford them — jk.
Like, Missi, I vote for the online gambling. Thought about quitting my job and trying that out myself.
Good Luck!
OMG….it is a bit funny, but I also hear your pain. When times like these hit our house, which by the way is most of the time, I often contemplate becoming a Dominatrix. I think I could actually do it if it remained on the hush..hush. Think about it, you get to wear black leather and it doesn’t matter how awful you look in it. You get to spank someone, alot, and real hard. I don’t know, for the money, I might consider it. Anyways good luck and I hope things get better soon.
Great blog too. I really enjoyed your posts.
Heh, I hope you are able to come up with something NOT on your list!
I know the feeling about daycare, though. I was living in another state when my kids were littler, and I could actually afford to work full time outside the home. When I moved here, I couldn’t even find a job that would pay me enough to put them in afterschool care for the week, so I had to opt for part time during the day. Ah well.
Good luck! I wish I had some ideas….maybe Sell This House?
I wish I had your Humor- you ROCK-
Your house is going to sell fast- I am sure of it!
I don’t reccomend ever going on judge judy, it’s a nightmare I am still trying to forget, horrible.
I don’t reccomend Judge Judy-still recovering, that is one mean lady- Judge!!!!!! Your house will sell quickly-hey email me the pictures-Love you
Erin
In the same boat up in here. I work at a newspaper anwering phones on the weekend for extra dollars. And I watch a little girl at our home 3 days a week. I’m pretty sure the surveys are a scam but you might want to look at online tutoring. Oh…check with Pheedo and Google Adsense about putting ads on your page. It’s chump change but it’s something.
Other than that, I’ve got nothing.
There’s no real money in ho’ing. You gots to get in on the pimp side of the business. Don’t ask me how I know…
“Is Wayne Brady gunna have to choke a bitch?”
Will, Kristi’s husband